Kids, don't drink tequila.

Can you get STD's from the ghost of a prostitute?

I can handle you preventing me from fulfilling a life long dream, that's being in a relationship.

Ted: How's the open marriage going? Who was the first to get to five numbers?
Lily: I won that race. My prize, sex in the bathroom.
Marshall: And I won that race!

Ted: Why would you do that?
Zoey: I thought you'd like it?
Ted: Who likes that?
Zoey: I like it!

Ted: OK Scherbatsky, you wanna tussle?
Robin: I'll tussle!
Ted: You wanna tussle?
Robin: Let's Tussle!
Ted: Marine Biologist.
Robin: Please no.

Lily: Scooby, we're in our thirties, we don't smoke sandwiches anymore.
Ted: Sandwich brownies?
Lily: OK!

Barney: Never ever meet a girl's parents.
Ted: Not even if she is hot?
Barney: Not even if her mom's hot?

Barney: The N'Sync concert?
Ted: 1998 Cleveland's Agora Theater, front row, caught JC's shirt, what else you got

Ted: They're actually called British Morning Socks.
Zoë: Don't get in your own way!

What kind of name is Zoë? What is that short for Zoseph?

I'd say hump her brains out, but somebody obviously already has.

HIMYM Quotes

Barney: Ladies and gentlemen, I have in my hand a copy of tonight's Top Ten list. The category: top ten things I would've called my truck...
Ted: It was never your truck.
Barney: if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back.
Ted: It was a rental.
Barney: Number ten, "The Winne-Bango." Number nine, "The Pick-Up Truck." Number eight, "The Ford Explore Her." Number seven, "The You Scream Truck." You Scream. (they all laugh) Number six, "Feels on Wheels!" Hello! Number five, "The Ride Her Truck." Number four, "The 18-Squeeler." Number three, "The Esca-Laid." Number two, "The Slam-Boney." and... the number one thing I would've called my truck if Ted hadn't been a jerk and given it back... "The '69 Chevy."

Sometimes things have to fall apart to make way for better things...we're done here.

Ted