The Janitor Quotes
Janitor: How about my van for your Porsche?
Dr. Cox: I suppose when I win I could destroy your vehicle and make you watch, couldn't I? Bet.
Ted: You want to get Elliot, get in good with her best friend.
Janitor: Who's Elliot?
There was one other girl, a few years ago... Red Haired Doctor. She used to eat lunch with me. Until the other residents started making fun of her. They called her Janitor Lunch Eater. Not the most clever group.
Janitor: So I hear you're homeless. I wanna volunteer, give you a place to stay.
J.D.: I don't think so, buddy.
Janitor: Listen, crash in my garage. I guarantee you there will not be another person in there.
J.D.: You're gonna slather jam on my face and sic a family of raccoons on me, aren't you!
Janitor: Damn it. I've become predictable.
Turk: Could you get me a towel so I could wipe this sweat from my head?
Carla: They're all dirty, okay? J.D. used to wash them.
Turk: It's so hot! When the hell is he gonna finish fixing the heater?!
Carla: It's okay! He's a professional - I'm sure he's almost done.
Janitor: This... should not have been removed.
Janitor: Oh, yeah? Well, from what I hear I'm your last option.
J.D.: Options?! I got cable TV and a dead dog! I got plenty of options!
J.D.: Besides, I defy you to find one other thing that I'm afraid of!
Janitor: Mopping time! Mopping time! It's mopping time!
(The audience whoops and cheers)
Janitor: Yes, it's mopping time, my friend! And as you know, I always like to start in the exact spot you're standing. Let's get to work.
Hey, I'm wondering, what's the story with steel wool? I mean, is it steel or is it wool? Make up your mind, steel wool. Are there iron sheep hopping around in Scotland?
J.D.: Is that my new sweater?
Janitor: No, this is my new sweater mop.
J.D.: It went dynamite with my beige cords!
Janitor: You mean my beige cord sponge?
Jordan: Oh, for God's sake, Perry! Adjust your bra, man up, and fire the one with the least pathetic story!
Dr. Cox: Do you really think I know any of these people's stories?
Janitor: Well, let me fill you in. First we have Hank - four kids, trying to make it on a dishwasher's salary. Next one is Mike - lost half his leg in a motorcycle accident. And then there's Judy - been here thirty years, just two away from retirement.
Jordan: You're...you're friends with all these people?
Janitor: You kidding me? I read their files. I read everybody's files, Ms. Manic-Depressive, Dr. Drinks-A-Lot.
Oh, brother. Look, I, uh... either start laughing or I start unplugging your machines.
Dr. Kelso: The only thing I detest more than treating patients is treating patients on an empty stomach. I'm famished!
Janitor: We've been in here for eight minutes.
