The Janitor Quotes
Dr. Kelso: The only thing I detest more than treating patients is treating patients on an empty stomach. I'm famished!
Janitor: We've been in here for eight minutes.
Elliot: I had this one first date where the guy took me to play paintball. All he does the whole time is shoot me in the face. After two years with that guy, I'm like, "That's enough!" You know?
Janitor: Ha ha! First dates, huh?... Someone give me seven hundred bucks.
Todd: I went out with this girl, she was like the worst first date ever. I take her for a romantic ferry ride, and for some reason I decide to take it out-
Carla: Okay. Your turn is done.
Dr. Kelso: So how much does he owe me, Barbarino?
Todd: Six hundred so far.
Janitor: Dammit, man, you cannot afford this.
Dr. Cox: God save me, watching sports is one of the last pure pleasures I have left in my life. So you, you tell me, what's it gonna take for you to let me go home, sit in my massage chair, and enjoy the game?
Janitor: I would like...to perform open-heart surgery.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: How about you perform surgery on me so that I can breathe under water.
Dr. Cox: No.
Janitor: I would like a shark that can read minds.
Dr. Cox: No!
Janitor: You and I trade lives for a year.
Dr. Cox: No!
Janitor: How about a home-cooked meal and an hour in your massage chair?
Dr. Cox: Done.
Janitor: Oh, now it's time to ruin the game! Come with me to the window!
Dr. Cox: Why? What do you have, some elaborate plan?
Janitor: I do, as a matter of fact. I convinced everybody in this hospital that's afraid of me to go outside and spell out the score of the game.
Dr. Cox: Really?
Janitor: No, you idiot. I'm just gonna tell you the score of the game...maybe knock your head against the glass.
Dr. Cox: You're gonna wanna grab a mop-
Janitor: Shush. Watching 'The Sixth Sense'.
Dr. Cox: There's a mess in the hallway.
Janitor: This kid sees dead people.
Dr. Cox: That film is at least five years old.
Janitor: So what? I haven't seen it.
Dr. Cox: Bruce Willis is a ghost. He's been dead the entire time. All the best.
Janitor: Noooo! NO!
Janitor: So... You don't want to know the ending of something? I can relate to that.
Dr. Cox: What is that in your lap?
Janitor: Leonard! Half kitten, half monkey!
Carla: Where the hell have you been for the last few days?
Dr. Cox: Deep-sea fishing.
Carla: You hate fishing.
Dr. Cox: Went with my buddies.
Carla: You don't have any buddies.
Dr. Cox: Oh, yeah? Well, we landed a two hundred pound white marlin off the coast of San Diego.
Janitor: Interesting. 'Cause that's three thousand miles from the natural habitat of the white marlin. Hmm. Well, perhaps it hopped a train from Cape Cod!
Dr. Cox: Why!?
Janitor: I'm bustin' chops today. You can ask anybody.
Carla: It's true.
Janitor: See?
Carla: Ohh, Elliot, I was really looking forward to this!
Janitor: Really? 'Cause about five seconds ago you were all giddy about going home and taking a bath tonight.
Carla: Why would you do that to me?
Janitor: New thing: I'm bustin' chops.
Elliot: So... you just forgot we even had plans?
Carla: What's the big deal? You were flaking on them anyway.
Elliot: I wasn't. I have my Cantonese class.
Janitor: But do you? Do you really? Bustin' chops.
Elliot: Fine! At least I remembered the plans well enough to flake on them!
Turk: Heard you guys were fighting.
Carla: We made up.
Janitor: No they didn't... Chop bustin'. And doc dustin'.
J.D.: Classic Janitor!
Janitor: If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
