Scrubs

The Janitor Quotes (Page 9)

Janitor: (Yelling at J.D., who has just fallen down a cliff on his bike, thinking that it was the finish line) I can play with signs too!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: The answer's two.
Janitor: What?
J.D.: "How many janitors does it take to change a lightbulb?" "Two."
Janitor: Okay, that doesn't make any sense. Hank's an electrician. And you are not funny.
J.D.: I'm very funny. Earlier, I made a killer "one-pump mocha" joke. Everybody laughed.
Janitor: I bet that nobody laughed, but you didn't notice that 'cause you were busy doing that cocky self-laugh thing you do when you think you're being funny.
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: Have you been following me around all day dressed like an intern?
Janitor: Yes. And you're a terrible teacher - I'm not prepared to operate on anyone!
J.D.: Whatever. If it wasn't funny, why did they all laugh?
Janitor: Wake up and smell the third floor urinal I haven't cleaned in four years!
 • Rating: Unrated

J.D.: What is it with you and the costumes today!?
Janitor: I borrowed it from my brother. He's a stripper.
 • Rating: Unrated

Elliot: Seriously, if you tell, I will never trust you again with anything.
Dr. Kelso: Where've you been?
Carla: Nowhere!
Dr. Mickhead: What're you doing?
Carla: Nothing!
Janitor: How's Blonde Doctor?
Carla: Cheese!
Laverne: What's the dish?
Carla: I gotta go!
Turk: Hey!
Carla: No hablo Ingls!
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: How depressing is it being you? Would you equate it to being a life-long Cubs fan, or being born without lips?
J.D.: Born without lips.
Janitor: I know a guy. His house just burned down.
J.D.: How sad.
Janitor: Well, he was smoking in bed. He shouldn't smoke... 'cause he looks ridiculous. "I have a snake face!"
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Janitor: How do you bother someone without being around them? That is the question.
Dr. Kelso: Dorian, I'm paying you to work, not stand around acting like The Fonz.
Janitor: Perfect.
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.: Who made it?
Janitor: Let's say my mom.
J.D.'s Narration: As a doctor, you get good at piecing things together.
Flashback
Nurse: Someone stole a case of laxatives.
Janitor: Who wants a piece of pie!
J.D.'s Narration: This one was obvious.
End Flashback
J.D.: No thank you.
Todd: Free pie? Hell yeah!
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: Who's ready for a pie break?
J.D.: No!
Janitor: Come on, why not?
J.D.: Why don't you ask Todd? Due to what can only be described as epic diarrhea, he's been on an I.V. drip for thirty-six hours!
Todd: Make-it-stop five?
 • Rating: Unrated

Janitor: No better pick-me-up than a slice of Mom's pie!
J.D.: Why are you so obsessed with this?
Janitor: I dunno. I think it's 'cause this time, I wasn't trying to mess with you.
J.D.: Really?
Janitor digs in and takes a bite.
Janitor: Really.
J.D. takes the fork and has a bite.
Janitor: Huh?
Cut to Men's Room
J.D.: Who would do this to themselves?
Janitor: Totally worth it.
J.D.'s Narration: As every piece of food I'd put into my body in the last year was rushing out of me, it got me thinking.
 • Rating: Unrated

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