The Janitor Quotes
Janitor: Woah, woah, woah, woah, woah! Movin' a little quick there aren't we bub. Got a story to tell me?
Dr. Cox: Here's a story. It's called the security guard who was sodomized with his own nightstick.
Janitor: Why don't we just consider this a warning?
Dr. Cox: Yeah.
Janitor: Some hooligan keeps disconnecting the alarm. I told Security to look into it? But no, no, they'd rather catch the guy who's stealing organs from the transplant ward. If I was a security guard around here, things'd be different.
Carla: You really want to be a security guard?
Janitor: Who around here commands more respect than the men who wear blue and green?
Turk: The uniforms are black and gray.
Janitor: You got me. I don't see colors well. Happy now?
Carla: Look at you in your new uniform! And they give you a nightstick!
Janitor: Well, actually, this is my dad's. He used to use this baby every day at work.
Turk: Was he a cop?
Janitor: Uh, no, cat trainer.
Dr. Kelso: Okay. This badge is now yours.
Janitor: I just want to thank you for believing in me. And I want to assure you that I am gonna be guarding these hospital gates the way Cerberus guarded the gates of Hell!
Dr. Kelso: Yeah, that's terrific.
Janitor: My cousin is a bank teller, and he gave me one of those exploding ink cartridges they put in stolen money so I could figure out who's been disconnecting the emergency exits!
He finds Dr. Kelso standing there, covered in blue ink.
Dr. Kelso: Nice work.
Janitor: Break's over, Binky.
J.D.: The show must go on.
J.D.: Dr. Reid couldn't be here today, children, so I'm here in her place.
Kid: Why're your pants so tight? Clowns have baggy pants!
J.D.: Well, Brad, I'm the type of clown that likes to wear tight pants.
Kid: But the other clown has baggy pants!
J.D.: What other clown?
Janitor: Hello, old friend.
J.D.: Janitor!
J.D.: Okay, kids, I've never made balloon animals before, but raise your hand if you like your eels!
Janitor: You're a horrible clown.
J.D.: Save it for the post-show, Lurch.
J.D.'s Narration: I guess you can never underestimate how the smallest gesture can make everything better.
J.D.: You know, for a minute there I actually thought you had a twin brother.
Janitor: Really?
J.D.: Mm.
Janitor: Was it when my twin brother was here?
J.D.: Stop it.
Janitor: Hey, either of you guys see my twin brother?... Hey, I asked you a question!
Turk: You're better than this!
Roscoe/Janitor: Naghhey! Any sign of my brother? The janitor?
Turk: Dude, there is no way that we'll ever, ever believe this one.
Roscoe/Janitor: Could someone say "keep rockin'"?
Janitor: Yuk it up, I don't care. I'm getting the last laugh! 'Cause my brother's waiting for me downstairs, and when these elevator doors open, you'll see, he's gonna be staring right at you two guys.
They all stand there and wait. The elevator arrives and the doors open. No one is there.
Janitor: Okay, I don't know what I thought was gonna happen, but I think we can all agree that this isn't working out, it's costing me a tremendous amount of time and effort, so let's just call it a draw.
Turk: Hell, no! You lost! Live with it!
