The Janitor Quotes
J.D.: Huh! That's new.
Janitor: Oh yeah. My girlfriend gave me a watch. Do you give a crap, or are you just hoping that by pointing out something new of mine, I'll segue the conversation in talking about something new of yours? Like your new pre-pubescent Miami Vice beard.
J.D.: There are those who say I look like a young Kenny Loggins.
Janitor: Who?
J.D.: Me.
J.D.: (handing Ed's phone to the Janitor) Hey, wanna phone, buddy?
Janitor: (pressing some buttons and then sniffing it) No.
Dr. Maddox: You're fired.
Janitor: (holding up a photo) What about my son?
Dr. Maddox: That's my daughter!
J.D.: You wore your janitor uniform to a wedding?
Janitor: No, I wasn't invited to the wedding. I just work here on weekends.
J.D.: Who's that?
Janitor: My date... Forks! Frannie! Forks! Forks!
J.D.: Are forks where the big money is?
Janitor: Forks and ladles.
J.D.'s Narration: Besides, somehow you always seem to end up with the person you're meant to be with.
Janitor: One, two, three.
J.D. and Janitor lift the chair with a pssed out Dr. Kelso sitting on it
J.D.: Thanks for helping out.
Janitor: I'm only going as far as the dumpster.
J.D.: Morning!
Janitor: Is it? Is it really?
J.D.: No, I was-I was kidding.
Dr. Cox: Tell me, did ya happen to come across any pamphlets on people who only work eight days a year and then spend the other 357 whining about it?
Jordan: What part of "I'm not fighting with you anymore" do you not get? If you want someone to fight with, you have to find someone else. Mm-hmm.
Dr. Cox: Oh, good. Here you're wetting down the floor for the older folks.
Janitor: Please say that you're talking to me.
Dr. Cox: I don't see anybody else around, soap jockey.
Janitor: For three years I've been watching you pine after Blonde Doctor, and I gotta tell you, everyone is sick of it - "Will they? Won't they? Looks like they're going to! Oooh, the last second, something might- oooh oooh oooh!" Come on! Enough already! I mean, you guys aren't exactly Ross and Rachel.
J.D.: Who?
Janitor: Dr. Ross, and Rachel from Bookkeeping.
J.D.: Mmm.
Janitor: Why don't you just let her be happy with... stunningly handsome, full-lipped guy.
Dr. Cox: I can't believe Kelso really asked my opinion, you know?
Janitor: Look pal, if I wanted to sit and listen to someone yammer on about their lives, I'd be at my A.A. meeting right now.
Dr. Cox: Listen there scrub brush, it just so happens it was the only empty seat in the whole joint and besides, as a fellow abusive drinker you are honor-bound by bar stool protocol to listen to every last word out of my mouth.
J.D.'s Narration: What does Sean have that I don't have?
Janitor: Don't compare yourself to him. He's better.
Elliot: You guys! Guess what. I just asked Sean if he would move in with me and... tell 'em what you said!
Sean: "Yes!"
Elliot: Isn't that great!
Janitor: That is great! Isn't that great?
J.D.'s Narration: Full-lipped bastard.
Janitor: Don't look at me like that! This is your fault, anyway! You two made me dream again.
Turk: Hey, we weren't the ones who caved in to Kelso.
Janitor: I do not owe you an explanation for that!
Carla: You're right, you don't owe us an explanation!
Turk: Lay some truth on him, baby!
