Tom Haverford Quotes
Chris: Man.. you are just knocking these off. You're like a ninja crossed with a Jedi or something.
Tom: You're like a nerd mixed with a dork or something.
Chris: Tom, Star Wars is not that nerdy.
Oh, am I wearing an ascot? I didn't notice.
Tom: Watch the master work it, I am the Yoda of networking.
Ben: Well Yoda wouldn't actually need networking, his powers were more spiritual.
Tom: Shut up you nerd!
His real name is Dante Fiero, but he changed it to Dennis Feinstein 'cause that's way more exotic in Pawnee.
Tom: Joan, let's make a pact, OK? If we're both still single in an hour, let's get married.
Joan: Tom, I'm already married.
Tom: Oh, that's right. To Seal. Oh, I confused you with Heidi Klum again.
Joan? I thought you were Jennifer Aniston filming a movie here.
Nice job man. Was that your first time talking to other people? 'Cause it came off that way. You embarrassed me in front of The Douche.
Man: Sup, guys? Just douching over here in Eagleton.
Tom: All I can think about is Captain Mustache plowing my ex-wife.
Andy: And you imagine he's wearing a cape, while he's plowing her?
Andy: No, just Captain Mustache? I mean if all you could think of is Ron â€” you know â€” Maybe put him in some tights and a cape, and then it would be funny.
Tom: Now I'm imagining a cape.
Ben: Should we throw in some salads for a healthy option?
Tom: Wow, don't be such a Jerry, Ben.
Leslie: Yeah, Ben. These guys are cops. Not ballerinas.
I just don't get why you broke up with me. Is it 'cause I'm not cool enough, like the normal kids compared to the vampires? Is it an Edward-Bella-Jacob type situation? Where you like me but there's someone else you like more?
Am I team Edward? Yes. Do I share his concerns about turning Bella, though? Absolutely not.