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Before we get started, a quick announcement. Every Thursday night is ladies night down at the Snakehole Lounge over on Bernum Avenue. Ladies get two drinks for the price of one. Well, that can't be right. That's way too good of a deal. Nope. That is what it says. Wow, that sounds like a fun time.

See, I never promise Leslie anything. That way I never disappoint her. I try to be considerate.

Look, the worst thing you can do with an important presentation like this is over prepare. So, I think it's best if I go to the spa.

Leslie: Parks services are still here, and we have a job to do.
Tom: Make the world's biggest pizza.
Leslie: No, make this town fun for the people who live here.
Tom: Fine. But after that, the pizza is our top priority.
Leslie: No it's not.
Ron: We're getting pizza?

Leslie: Tom, we're back.
Tom: Jeremy, suck it. By the way I've been giving away free sports bras to the girls at Hot Dog on a Stick.

Woman: These are way too tight.
Tom: Well, the real Cinderella didn't have hippo feet.

Tom: Whenever Ron has sex, the next morning he comes in dressed like Tiger Woods. Oh god.
Lucy: What? Who is that?
Tom: That is my ex-wife.

Tom: Is that bacon on your turkey leg?
Ron: They call it a Swanson.

Tom: Ron Corleone. This really attractive woman is my girlfriend, Lucy.
Ron: Hello, Lucy.
Lucy: Hi.
Ron: Whoa. Impressive handshake.
Lucy: Thanks. My father told me that a limp handshake was for weak men and communists. He hated both.
Ron: Well done, Tommy.

Donna: When we canceled on him, he took another gig in Eagleton. At a library.
Tom: That's literally the worst place I could imagine.

Tom: We had dinner last night and breakfast this morning. What were we doing in between? Sex stuff.
Lucy: You guys know Tom really well so I don't have to apologize for his behavior, right?

Sorry we're late. I had to wait on my girlfriend to finish eating breakfast.

Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 217 in total

Parks & Rec Quotes

Andy: From now on, we will be using code names. You can address me as
Eagle One. Ann, code name -- Been There, Don That. April is --
Currently Doing That. Donna is -- It Happened Once in a Dream; Chris,
code name -- If I Had To Pick a Dude. Ben is -- Eagle Two.
Ben: Oh thank God.

Time is money, money is power, power is pizza, and pizza is knowledge, let’s go!

April
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