Every crazy a-lister owns an island; Nicolas Cage, Celine Dion, Charles Widmore. This is a whole new world in front of me, LL.

I'm sorry I'm four hours late but my alarm clock didn't go off because it died in a cock fight last night.

I gotta stay serious. From now on the only movies Tracy Jordan makes are about the Holocaust, Georgia O'Keefe, or both.

Jack: You're the only one bank rolling this? What about Brown and Folderson?
Tracy: That's what I call my wallet.

What is Senor Mexico saying? Stop keeping me out the loop!

Tracy: Hey! What was that sound? It was opportunity knocking.
Jack: No one knocked, you just barged in.

Jenna: I'm the hot blonde...
Tracy: And I'm the nerd who takes off his glasses and everyone realizes he's handsome.

Your boos are not scaring me. I know most of you are not ghosts.

It's like the thing I said in another movie I made, compromises are for lesser souls. Die werewolf zombie.

Sabotage? But I'm the one who does that to me.

Jenna, a word. Specifically, the word talking.

If I won an Oscar everyone would have to respect me. My obituary would read Oscar-winner, instead of children's soccer heckler.