Two and a Half Men

Thursdays 8:30 PM on CBS
Two and a half men
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Lenore: Do you know what it's like waking up to the same stupid face for thirty nine years?
Alan: All I can tell you is what I told your daughter, "if you don't like it, roll over."


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Alan Harper Quotes, Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 3 Quotes, Two and a Half Men Quotes
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Two and a Half Men Season 7 Episode 3 Quotes

Jake: Uncle Charlie, do you need to go anywhere?
Charlie: Yeah, away from you
Jake: You want me to drive?
Charlie: You want to drive my $80,000 Mercedes?
Jake: Yes, please
Charlie: He's unnecessarily polite for a future doorman

Judith: Just because he's fifteen doesn't mean he's ready to drive
Jake: I've been driving for years. Grand Theft Auto 1, Grand Theft Auto 2. And I've never drove anyone over except for pimps and crack whores.
Alan: Jake!
Jake: Sorry, dad. Crack prostitutes.