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I'm going to find out what was in the box, buy it with money, and it's going to make me happy. And if that doesn't work, I'm going to Benjamin Button myself.

Jack

Frank: My god, He's mortal!
Lutz: What just happened!?

Former sexual partner, I'm sorry my disease made you a victim of my sexual charisma. I'm sorry I ruined you for other men.

Dennis

[on Tracy] His video game made a fortune, and he invested it all in a company that dismantles bank signs - it's doing very well.

Jack

[to Liz, about Drew] Don't get too attached, because once people realize his tonics don't work, it's on to the next town.

Kenneth

I didn't come here for excuses - I came here to see the dumbest cracker in all New York. Did you even vote for Obama?

Tracy Jr.

Liz: You can't put Gatorade on salmon.
Drew: Yes you can - the hot Italian lady from the Food Network told me so.
Liz: Did she say it on TV?
Drew: No, she said it to me when she jumped escalators to try to talk ... oh.

Jack: Tracy and I have become quite close. Look, we got BFF bracelets.
Liz: You guys are best friends forever?
Jack: That's not what that stands for.

Kenneth: But why would you want to cut your hair? You look exactly as I imagine Mary Magadalene to be.
Jenna: Thank you, but I am a selfless person who can't get arrested in this town!
Pete: I already explained that: that was a police sketch of a flasher who happened to look like Tracy... we hope.

I understand now what it's like have too much on your plate. Between my medical practice and this job, I'm being pulled in a bunch of different directions.

Dr. Leo Spaceman

My lab work is in the field of sleep research, mostly because I checked the wrong box on a form once.

Dr. Leo Spaceman

[on his sleep study] It's being funded by the U.S. military and the WNBA.

Dr. Leo Spaceman
Displaying quotes 121 - 132 of 229 in total

30 Rock Season 3 Quotes

Don Geiss: If you're watching this, you are an executive of the General Electric Corporation, and the unthinkable has happened. Capitalism is ending, either because of the Soviets or something ridiculous, like a woman President. I'm speaking to you from the year 1987, but the message is timeless: Avoid The Noid!

If there's one thing I learned from you, Jack, it's to keep your friends close and your enemies so close that you're almost kissing.

Devon
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