Jack: Avery and I want the baby's middle name to be Elizabeth, after you.
Liz: Oh Jack, that's so gay balls.

Jack: I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny, and then you eat the bunny.
Kenneth: Isn't that just Easter?

Carmen: What's wrong with you?
Liz: Almost everything.

Why are you doing this for Jessup? She's a blonde. Don't you know there's a war going on?


Jack: You have me over a barrel. What are you going to do?
Kenneth: Not what my uncle does when he gets a hitch-hiker over a barrel, I'll tell you that.

We need a button that switches from pornography to basketball immediately. What you have isn't fast enough.


I am telling everyone here that there is no way I can be pregnant, because I have had my period for the last 61 days.


Hello. Good sweatshirt. How are you sweatshirting this sweatshirt?


Some dude jacked me, and now his sperm is growing in my stomach.


Man, we all lead such complicated lives. Hey, you wanna go to that new popcorn place for lunch?


Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.


It was reality TV. It can be good. It can be terrible. It just can't be anything in between.


30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Jack: My naturally blonde lady love and I basked in the three S's: surf, sun and ...
Liz: Sandwiches?

No Tom Jones, no!

Liz (wakes up)