Jack: Avery and I want the baby's middle name to be Elizabeth, after you.
Liz: Oh Jack, that's so gay balls.

Jack: I can get you into a restaurant where you watch a child play with a bunny, and then you eat the bunny.
Kenneth: Isn't that just Easter?

Carmen: What's wrong with you?
Liz: Almost everything.

Why are you doing this for Jessup? She's a blonde. Don't you know there's a war going on?

Carmen

Jack: You have me over a barrel. What are you going to do?
Kenneth: Not what my uncle does when he gets a hitch-hiker over a barrel, I'll tell you that.

We need a button that switches from pornography to basketball immediately. What you have isn't fast enough.

Pete

I am telling everyone here that there is no way I can be pregnant, because I have had my period for the last 61 days.

Liz

Hello. Good sweatshirt. How are you sweatshirting this sweatshirt?

Tracy

Some dude jacked me, and now his sperm is growing in my stomach.

Liz

Man, we all lead such complicated lives. Hey, you wanna go to that new popcorn place for lunch?

Liz

Do you need sex advice? Here's a tip. Sometimes a lady likes to leave her blazer on.

Liz

It was reality TV. It can be good. It can be terrible. It just can't be anything in between.

Jack

30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

I believe that when you have a problem, you talk it over with your priest, or your tailor, or the mute elevator porter at your men's club. Then you take that problem and you crush it with your mind vice. But for lesser beings, like curly haired men and people who need glasses, therapy can help.

Jack

I had a boyfriend, Dennis. I'm sure he was an idiot, but he made great chili and he didn't care if I watched tv during sex.

Liz