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Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

I can see someone got to first base, which is what I consider sex with a stranger.

Jack

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

Liz

Yes, if you don't like it you can leave. This isn't Eric Roberts' teepee.

Jenna

Lemon you just had a structural, analytic insight. Professor Widmer would've given you a good job spanking.

Jack

I'm sorry is that another magazine about meetings?

Liz

I didn't give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won't now.

Jenna

Liz: Why are you talking so fast?
Jenna: Because I'm upset. Also I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway.

Watch this. I can fit Emily Dickinson's whole head in my mouth

Liz

How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I've had three chances; Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw, and I blew all three...opportunities

Liz

You don't know the meaning of the word scared. And I know 'cause I've looked it up for you a dozen times.

Kenneth

We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.

Pete
Displaying quotes 97 - 108 of 300 in total

30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Happy Holidays...is what terrorists say. Merry Christmas- Avery and Jack.

Avery

Ambition is the willingness to kill the things you love and eat them in order to stay alive. Haven't you ever read my throw pillow?

Jack