Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

I can see someone got to first base, which is what I consider sex with a stranger.


My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.


Yes, if you don't like it you can leave. This isn't Eric Roberts' teepee.


Lemon you just had a structural, analytic insight. Professor Widmer would've given you a good job spanking.


I'm sorry is that another magazine about meetings?


I didn't give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won't now.


Liz: Why are you talking so fast?
Jenna: Because I'm upset. Also I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway.

Watch this. I can fit Emily Dickinson's whole head in my mouth


How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I've had three chances; Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw, and I blew all three...opportunities


You don't know the meaning of the word scared. And I know 'cause I've looked it up for you a dozen times.


We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.


30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

That's crazy. A man named Elia. That's a giraffe's name!


I need to look good for my party and I refuse to wear anything my size or appropriate for my age.