Dot Com: You had to sign your crime didn't you?
Grizz: You're the one who gave me those Monk DVDs.

I can see someone got to first base, which is what I consider sex with a stranger.

Jack

My heart's pounding like I'm watching Oprah's farewell season.

Liz

Yes, if you don't like it you can leave. This isn't Eric Roberts' teepee.

Jenna

Lemon you just had a structural, analytic insight. Professor Widmer would've given you a good job spanking.

Jack

I'm sorry is that another magazine about meetings?

Liz

I didn't give up when Eric Roberts abandoned me in the desert and I won't now.

Jenna

Liz: Why are you talking so fast?
Jenna: Because I'm upset. Also I've been taking these new Czechoslovakian organ slimming pills. They contain a little bit of meth, which is something my body needs anyway.

Watch this. I can fit Emily Dickinson's whole head in my mouth

Liz

How many times does a woman meet Mr. Right? I've had three chances; Floyd, then Carol, and I was once in an elevator with Tom Brokaw, and I blew all three...opportunities

Liz

You don't know the meaning of the word scared. And I know 'cause I've looked it up for you a dozen times.

Kenneth

We Hornbergers are famous cowards. On D-Day, my grandfather wore a German uniform under his American one...just in case.

Pete

30 Rock Season 5 Quotes

Isn't that the guy who outbid no one for NBC?

Liz

Baby, let's let the dog watch us. Do you think he understands the love that we have? Oops, I'm finished. Call yourself a cab.

Dr. Leo Spaceman (singing)