Popular Better Off Ted Quotes
Phil: Blobby, like Bobby, only with an l
Lem: Don't name it or you won't want to eat it. Remember Chester the carrot?
Phil: Yeah, I miss him
Veronica: Legal is worried that Phil might think his annoying outbursts are connected to our allegedly freezing him.
Ted: We didn't "allegedly" freeze him, we froze him. Like a human leftover.
Veronica: Legal says we don't know what that chamber is that he entered freely. The latest theory is that he may have been attempting to perform a magic trick.
Ted: Oh, yeah, that magic trick where the company freezes him.
Phil: I am the Below Zero Hero. Julie in Employee Services asked for my autograph. That's right, Julie. With those breasts in front. It's a new Phil, Lem. You had better get used to it
Lem: That was a little aggressive
Jerome [tasting meat made in lab]: It tastes familiar.
Ted: Beef?
Jerome: No.
Linda: Chicken? We'll take chicken.
Ted: What does it taste like?
Jerome: Despair.
Ted: Is it possible it just needs salt?
Ted: We may have created a monster in the lab
Veronica: It's not a monster, it's a cyborg that can kill without remorse
Ted: I was talking about Phil, what were you talking about?
Veronica: I was also talking about Phil... it's classified... but it's going to be a fantastic new tool if we can get it to tell the difference between soldiers and children
Lem: Maybe the meat blob's not taking in enough nutrients. I guess I could try and give it a mouth.
Ted: I'm gonna say no to the meat blob getting a mouth. Mostly because I don't want to hear what it has to say
How can I know so much about the bonds of chemicals yet so little about the bonds of friendship?
Phil
You guys have 72 hours to make that taste like something drunk teenagers will tip off... cow.. I'm talking about a cow
Ted: Did you even notice I have my daughter with me today?
Veronica: I look at people's eyes when I talk to them, Ted, not at their waists
Veronica: Well, you're always welcome here, daughter of Ted.
Ted: Rose.
Veronica: I know her name.
Ted: Rose's name.
Veronica: You know, sweetheart, sometimes your father...
Rose: Ted.
Veronica: I know everyone's name.
Ted: Hi beautiful. Beautifuls...
Rose: Hi, Daddy.
Linda: Hi, Daddy. And I'm just never calling you that again
Veronica: We want to weaponize a pumpkin.
Ted: Then so do I. Because?
Veronica: There's a country with whom we do business that grows a great deal of pumpkins and would welcome additional uses for them. As well as cheaper ways to kill their enemies.
Ted: Well, finally the pumpkin gets to do something besides Halloween.
Veronica: Pie.
Ted: Halloween and pie
