Favorite Californication Quotes
Sasha: How do I look?
Hank: Good enough to shit on.
Honey, I didn't mean to force moisture from your face.
Hank
Rick Springfield: I made a girl come seven times once.
Marcy: Over the course of an entire relationship?
That's the thing about secrets, Hank, they have a funny way of coming out.
Mia
What are you doing moping in the fridge, 80's pop legend Rick Springfield is stealing your girl - not Jesse's girl - Runkle's girl.
Hank
Sue: To you the glass is always half empty!
Charlie: Right now my wife is half full or Rick Springfield.
Becca: We used protection! He had a condom in his wallet that he said had been there since high school. It wasn't love and it wasn't perfect or anything but I'm glad I did it, I got it over with. And i wanted to tell you first, because I wanted you to know that you didn't fuck me up. My life is tough and weird and unpleasant sometimes but I walk around knowing that I have parents who love me and care about me and who always try their best even if they screw up sometimes. I know I gave you a hard time when mom was gone, but I hope you know that I love you, Dad, and I always will.
Hank: Alright... um, can you wait till New York to tell your mom about this?
Becca: Do you know what it's like to have no one and nothing, how totally awful that feels?
Hank: Yes, I think I do. Once upon a time I felt like that, but now I have you.
Becca: Yet somehow I still have nothing.
I do some of my best work from the bottom. You know why? Hands free - it's like sexual blue tooth.
Hank
Hank: Barney Greengrass, where you may have very well been conceived, young lady.
Becca: Really?
Hank: Yeah.
Karen: Actually, no, it was the bathroom at CBGB's.
Becca: Jesus Christ, boundaries, people!
Hank: Yeah, well we went to the bathroom at Greengrass the next day, if you recall, and who's to say which batch of seed took root, woman!
Becca: And there goes my appetite!
Hank: We should maybe go pay a visit there, to that shrine to your vagine.
If you and I were trapped on a desert island, it would only be a matter of time before I was putting it in your pooper.
Charlie
There's no reason you should let a professional misstep get in the way of some quality sixty-nining.
Hank
