Californication

Californication Season 3 Quotes

Season 3 Episode 12: "Mia Culpa"

Hank: Barney Greengrass, where you may have very well been conceived, young lady.
Becca: Really?
Hank: Yeah.
Karen: Actually, no, it was the bathroom at CBGB's.
Becca: Jesus Christ, boundaries, people!
Hank: Yeah, well we went to the bathroom at Greengrass the next day, if you recall, and who's to say which batch of seed took root, woman!
Becca: And there goes my appetite!
Hank: We should maybe go pay a visit there, to that shrine to your vagine.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sue: (To Charlie) Whether you know it or not, you're a maverick, a renegade, you beat off to the march of your own drummer.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Becca: I ended up sexiled with the nerd, the Michael Cera type.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Becca: We used protection! He had a condom in his wallet that he said had been there since high school. It wasn't love and it wasn't perfect or anything but I'm glad I did it, I got it over with. And i wanted to tell you first, because I wanted you to know that you didn't f**k me up. My life is tough and weird and unpleasant sometimes but I walk around knowing that I have parents who love me and care about me and who always try their best even if they screw up sometimes. I know I gave you a hard time when mom was gone, but I hope you know that I love you, Dad, and I always will.
Hank: Alright... um, can you wait till New York to tell your mom about this?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mia: That's the thing about secrets, Hank, they have a funny way of coming out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 11: "Comings & Goings"

Charlie: She's a cocktail waitress with a screenplay. Ok.. an idea for a screen play, but still, I see potential and I just -
Marcy: Oh please! You see blow job!
 • Rating: Unrated

Becca: So overall you would recommend the experience of sleeping with your teacher?
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: You actually did offer me the ass one time, right here in this very living room.
Marcy: What was I thinking? Dr. Drew says you could get a prolapsed anus from that s**t. Once you hit 80, your ass is like, 'why'd you have to take it in the pooper that one time? Now you're going to have to carry me around all day.'
 • Rating: Unrated

Marcy; Remember the kitchen counter encounter?
Charlie: Best night of my life!
Marcy: Not mine! Days later I was still finding crumbs in my folds!
 • Rating: Unrated

Marcy: Why did I let you sit on the sink? The chick is supposed to sit on the sink! That's bathroom boning 101!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 10: "Dogtown"

Hank: There's no reason you should let a professional misstep get in the way of some quality sixty-nining.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: No matter what they say, bitches don't like it when you f**k other bitches.
Hank: Word.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: I think that ultimately they'll have to raise the white flag and just accept us for the emotional retards that we are, don't you think?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marcy: I think i'm sewing it up, I'm telling you seriously. It has led me astray.
Karen: First of all that's disgusting, and second of all, what's that going to solve?
Becca: I'm lost - are you talking about your heart or your vagina?
Marcy: Look at you using all the proper names for things.
Karen: Well it is her father's favorite word.
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: There's no law against stealing from a colossal douchebag.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: I had my whole life flash before my eyes, really just like a TIVO on fast forward, and you know what? It was really f**king pathetic.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marcy: Jesus, I love this little buddha you shot out of your vag! So wise!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 9: "Mr. Bad Example"

Karen: (To Felicia) You say one more word to me and I will show you where Becca learned to throw down!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: Do you know how long its been since I've heard you say those three little words?
Marcy: Eat my clam?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Charlie: I don't mean to get a bee in my bonnet, babe, I just don't want to see you waste your life waiting for a phone call that might never come.
Marcy: Oh it's coming, fool. And by the way, my gay uncle called, and he wants his expressions back.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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