Californication

Californication Season 3 Quotes (Page 2)

Season 3 Episode 9: "Mr. Bad Example"

Rick Springfield: Plus, you know, charity events are like ground zero for single p***y.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sue: If a client asks you to dress up as a french maid and rim his s**t hole, you comply, with bells on!
 • Rating: Unrated

Hank: I'm very tight with the dean. He will not be pleased when he hears about this.
Security Guard: You're friends with the dean?
Hank: I f**ked his wife.
 • Rating: Unrated

Charlie: Like your dream crush now, Marcy?
Marcy: It's like watching a figure skater fall.
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 8: "The Apartment"

Hank: That's unfair! To say nothing if bad for my prostate - skypus interruptus!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jackie: No more grinding up on middle-aged hard-ons for me, except for yours of course.
 • Rating: Unrated

Rick Springfield: Nothing like the sound of a stripper's head on a hard-wood floor.
Hank: What the f**k is wrong with you?
Rick: What, oh you don't rough 'em up? Well excuse me George Bailey...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Felicia: That was some very intense and powerful love-making.
Hank: Not a big fan of that term: love-making - making love. I prefer boning, stuffing, stupping, banging, porking, boffing - anything, take your pick, just not love-making.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Stacey: You obviously have this thing with women, some very strong connection, that no matter what you do, no matter how big of an ass you are, they seem to respond - you're a goddamn girl whisperer!
 • Rating: Unrated

Felicia: Do you really think a woman wants to go down on a man who just walked in off the tennis courts? Or just came in from a ride? Huh? You think I want to peel off those sweaty bike shorts and go to town? Disgusting!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Becca: I'm not mad at you. You wouldn't get mad at a big dumb dog for s**tting on the rug, would you?
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 3 Episode 7: "So Here's The Thing ..."

Becca: Actually Dad, yes, this house is a bordello, because that's how it's run by you.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sue: When you started, I thought, my god this man has diarrhea of the mouth and there is no Kaopectate in sight.
 • Rating: Unrated

Sue: You're Runkle, you'd whack it to a cat dancing on YouTube.
 • Rating: 4.6 / 5.0

Hank: I do some of my best work from the bottom. You know why? Hands free - it's like sexual blue tooth.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 3 Episode 6: "Glass Houses"

Hank: To our beautiful family, our black President, and my magnificent dong.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: Entertainment for the poor, that's what my mother always called children.
 • Rating: 3.3 / 5.0

Hank: You look like America's next top smurf.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Rick Springfield: I made a girl come seven times once.
Marcy: Over the course of an entire relationship?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Hank: What are you doing moping in the fridge, 80's pop legend Rick Springfield is stealing your girl - not Jesse's girl - Runkle's girl.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite "Californication" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!