Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

Why did I let you sit on the sink? The chick is supposed to sit on the sink! That's bathroom boning 101!

Marcy

There's no reason you should let a professional misstep get in the way of some quality sixty-nining.

Hank

Charlie: No matter what they say, bitches don't like it when you fuck other bitches.
Hank: Word.

I think that ultimately they'll have to raise the white flag and just accept us for the emotional retards that we are, don't you think?

Hank

Marcy: I think i'm sewing it up, I'm telling you seriously. It has led me astray.
Karen: First of all that's disgusting, and second of all, what's that going to solve?
Becca: I'm lost - are you talking about your heart or your vagina?
Marcy: Look at you using all the proper names for things.
Karen: Well it is her father's favorite word.

There's no law against stealing from a colossal douchebag.

Hank

I had my whole life flash before my eyes, really just like a TIVO on fast forward, and you know what? It was really fucking pathetic.

Charlie

Jesus, I love this little buddha you shot out of your vag! So wise!

Marcy

(To Felicia) You say one more word to me and I will show you where Becca learned to throw down!

Karen
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