Californication

Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication
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I think that ultimately they'll have to raise the white flag and just accept us for the emotional retards that we are, don't you think?

Hank

Marcy: I think i'm sewing it up, I'm telling you seriously. It has led me astray.
Karen: First of all that's disgusting, and second of all, what's that going to solve?
Becca: I'm lost - are you talking about your heart or your vagina?
Marcy: Look at you using all the proper names for things.
Karen: Well it is her father's favorite word.

There's no law against stealing from a colossal douchebag.

Hank

I had my whole life flash before my eyes, really just like a TIVO on fast forward, and you know what? It was really fucking pathetic.

Charlie

Jesus, I love this little buddha you shot out of your vag! So wise!

Marcy

(To Felicia) You say one more word to me and I will show you where Becca learned to throw down!

Karen

Charlie: Do you know how long its been since I've heard you say those three little words?
Marcy: Eat my clam?

Charlie: I don't mean to get a bee in my bonnet, babe, I just don't want to see you waste your life waiting for a phone call that might never come.
Marcy: Oh it's coming, fool. And by the way, my gay uncle called, and he wants his expressions back.

Plus, you know, charity events are like ground zero for single pussy.

Rick Springfield

If a client asks you to dress up as a french maid and rim his shit hole, you comply, with bells on!

Sue

Hank: I'm very tight with the dean. He will not be pleased when he hears about this.
Security Guard: You're friends with the dean?
Hank: I fucked his wife.

Charlie: Like your dream crush now, Marcy?
Marcy: It's like watching a figure skater fall.

Displaying quotes 13 - 24 of 74 in total

Californication Season 3 Quotes

It's not your fault. I'm like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed.

Hank

That's the thing about secrets, Hank, they have a funny way of coming out.

Mia