Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

Entertainment for the poor, that's what my mother always called children.

Hank

You look like America's next top smurf.

Hank

Rick Springfield: I made a girl come seven times once.
Marcy: Over the course of an entire relationship?

What are you doing moping in the fridge, 80's pop legend Rick Springfield is stealing your girl - not Jesse's girl - Runkle's girl.

Hank

Sue: To you the glass is always half empty!
Charlie: Right now my wife is half full or Rick Springfield.

Becca: Do you know what it's like to have no one and nothing, how totally awful that feels?
Hank: Yes, I think I do. Once upon a time I felt like that, but now I have you.
Becca: Yet somehow I still have nothing.

Karen: I like you like this.
Hank: What, all defeated and shit?
Karen: Yes!

I don't get it Becs, what could possibly be so awful about visiting the woman who pushed you through her magnificent vagina - in New York, in the fall no less, you're going to be stepping off the plane into a Woody Allen film - and not, not recent Woody Allen, old Woody Allen, Annie Hall, Manhattan Woody Allen.

Hank

Just warning you! Something post-pubescent and wicked your way comes.

Hank

Where'd that plane come from, 1987? You look exactly the same! And that smell! What is that booze, cigarettes and Drakkar Noir - it takes me right back!

Hank

Let me tell you, this is some really pernicious shit! My Vagina looks like downtown Baghdad right now.

Daisy

Hank: That, out there, is a fucking mirage, that doesn't exist behind me. You got everything you'll ever want or need back home.
Zlos: What do you know about back home? You got out years ago. It's easy for you to spout some working class, hero, Springsteen bullshit about the sanctity of small towns when you're driving a Porsche through the promised land!

Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 74 in total

Californication Season 3 Quotes

Marcy: It's been sitting on the market for months now, Charlie, it's not selling.
Charlie: Well, maybe if you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor in LA with a cougar fetish back to the house, you could get it sold.
Marcy: First, it's our house, and second, if you weren't too busy trying to shove your angry inch into every damaged case that crosses your path, we wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with!

I know you're saving the planet and all, but it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole!

Hank
x Close Ad