Sundays 10:30 PM on Showtime
Californication

Zlos: I fucking clocked her - him - whatever.
Hank: You can't do that, that's a human being, you can't just be throwing punches at people.
Zlos:What the fuck is wrong with you Moody? Have you been in LA so long that a chick with a dick means nothing to you?

Becca: Merry fucking Christmas. Can we go home already?
Hank & Karen: Shut up!

It's not your fault. I'm like fly paper for the emotionally disturbed.

Hank

So you're suggesting I should dump this whole writer thing and reinvent myself as a Hollywood manwhore?

Hank

Hank: Hideous creatures these teenage girls.
Felicia: Monstrous, couldn't agree with you more.
Hank: Is it too late to drown them in the tub?

Jackie: Writing is just a - a pipe dream. You can't really make a living doing something like that. Actually, that's how you end up teaching.
Hank: Ouch!

Jackie: Are you ok?
Hank: No, I just got my ass kicked by a J-crew catalog - I'm not OK.

Hank: This is frowned upon.
Jackie: Give me a break. You once spent an entire class ranting about how much you hate Coldplay. Something tells me you could care less about what's frowned upon.
Hank: Still one of my favorite lectures.

Hank: You still love me?
Karen: Always, that's the problem.

Do we think the ladies have gone too far with the sex positive feminism? I mean I know they're all down with the pornography and the shaved pudenda and what not, but do we really think this is the path to liberation?

Hank

Are you sexually harassing me right now? Because if you are, I think I'm going to have to report you - for giving me a serious boner.

Hank

She's not much one for chatting - texting, yes - twittering, tweeting, twatting, staring solemnly at the old man.

Hank
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 74 in total

Californication Season 3 Quotes

Marcy: It's been sitting on the market for months now, Charlie, it's not selling.
Charlie: Well, maybe if you weren't too busy bringing every unemployed actor in LA with a cougar fetish back to the house, you could get it sold.
Marcy: First, it's our house, and second, if you weren't too busy trying to shove your angry inch into every damaged case that crosses your path, we wouldn't even be in this mess to begin with!

I know you're saving the planet and all, but it doesn't give you the right to be an asshole!

Hank
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