Talking like a douche is not helping your case.


Call your not stupid wife.


The only thing I've ever made from scratch is Travis.


I don't remember taking any hallucinogenic drugs, but why else would I be seeing you in my house?


I did not watch Chapstick, but I did watch him to leave.


Oh come on Ellie, we all know Travis is ambitious, talented, and has a fantastic work ethic. [Everyone laughs]


Ellie: Stan is a major handful.
Laurie: Bitch please, one of my brother's thought he was a pitbull.

Yep, we raised a deadbeat.


Laurie: Highway to the lady zone, what what.
Ellie: Highway indeed.

Ellie: We're at a public event this is not the place for ear sex and a full body rub down.
Laurie: All you do is take me granted.

What does the cougar say?

Title Card

What’s the fun of having a yard sale if we can’t mock the low life's that shop there?


Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Bonnie: I'm not perfect Jules.
Jules: Really.