Holy banjo, check out boob mountain.

Bobby

I just want to give him a memory that is so great that he will never forget it.

Jules

Ellie: Stan the bartender?
Andy: We have a son named Stan.
Ellie: Oh, sure sure.

Sweetie, I'd let other people do the cons.

Jules

Remember when we wanted to change the title? Ah, good times. Thanks for sticking with us.

Title Card

Laurie: Hey, for the record I wore underwear tonight so you'd think I was classy.
Travis: No you didn't.
Laurie: I didn't. Turns out I don't actually own any.

Ellie: I'd be so much of a better husband than you. You're lucky you have a penis.
Grayson: Yup, they're pretty cool.

Yes, you've made me dumber, congratulations.

Grayson

No one's ever made me a stalker video that I didn't have to see in a courtroom first. I love it.

Laurie

John Hughes is a God.

Title Card

Laurie: Burn in hell you sad, desperate skank.
Grayson: Texting your mom?
Laurie: Yeah.

Don't bum out Jules, not everyone is blessed with our God given lack of judgment.

Laurie

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!