Cougar Town

Tuesdays 10:00 PM on TBS
Cougar town

Don't bum out Jules, not everyone is blessed with our God given lack of judgment.

Laurie

So all shoplifters are magicians?

Jules

I don't know what you're thinking, but it's like watching a gay porn with just one dude in it.

Ellie

Grocery store jail, seriously?

Laurie

If you don't want to be someone's bitch, you gotta get ripped.

Jules

Get crabbin' bitch.

Jules

This episode is funnier if you know that Courteney is terrified of birds.

Title Card

Jules: When did you get so good at lying?
Ellie: There's no shortcut. Just practice, practice, practice.

Jules: Time for family dinner.
Grayson: Uh, if it's family, then why is she here?
Ellie: What am I supposed to do eat with Andy? I did that yesterday.

Laurie: If you really want to get back at a man, scare him with a pregnancy test. I've got a whole box of old positives at my house.
Ellie: You're an American treasure.

Travis: You know, I've actually been experimenting at school.
Ellie: I totally called that!
Jules: What's his name? Is he cute?
Travis: I meant with religion.
Jules: Aw man, I was excited to show you how cool I'd be about it.

You're dressing like a lady who would do stuff for just a little bit of crack.

Laurie
Displaying quotes 49 - 60 of 652 in total

Cougar Town Quotes

Laurie: Jules told me never to ask, but why do you call me Jellybean?
Ellie: Well JB, when Jules first hired you I thought you were so simple minded she could convince you that Jellybeans were more valuable than gold and subsequently pay you in Jellybeans. This concept was eventually shorted into your nickname, Jellybean.

Grayson: Shall we?
Jules: Indeed!

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