Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor. But don't cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy's stuck in a big truck!


Everyone must choose the road they will take in life. And for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. They all arrived the exact same way. Driving up in their overloaded trucks, bringing with them their expensive antiques and ordinary dreams. I remember the first moment I saw each of them. I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seems so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but feel intimidated. That feeling quickly passed.

Mary Alice

It's a fact of life in every neighborhood. People move in and people move out. Although very few of them pack up and leave at two o'clock in the morning. But it wasn't the first time that Betty Applewhite had tried to leave in the middle of the night. It had happened once before in Chicago. The same night one of her sons tried to break up with his girlfriend. A young woman named Melanie Foster. Yes, a year had come and gone since the Applewhite's had left Chicago. And Betty thought they could again slip away in the middle of the night. But as she soon discovered, it's not that easy to slip away in the suburbs. Because in suburbia, once the neighbors hear you are going, they all insist on showing up to say goodbye.

Mary Alice

Attorney: Is there anything I can do?
Zach: Yeah, get me a new phone with a different number. And fill in this stupid lake.

Gabrielle: Xiao-mei, do you have a second? This is probably silly, but it's been bothering me. When you said, "please don't kill him," did you mean Carlos?
Xiao-mei: Ralph dead, not Mr. Solis.
Gabrielle: I know. It's just you said, "kill," not "dead." and I'd have to do be pretty angry to kill someone, so I guess my question is, do I have a reason to be angry at Mr. Solis?
Xiao-mei: Please, so much laundry.
Gabrielle: Xiao-mei...how did you rip your panties?
Xiao-mei: I fall down.

Julie: (About the RV) So, is there anything you should prepare me for?
Susan: No, no. It's all good. Oh, but you should know that your bed doubles as the dining table, and the toilet's in the shower.

Melanie: And out of nowhere, he just attacked me.
Matthew: My brother's never been violent. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
Melanie: But he did.
Matthew: Let me just take you home.
Melanie: This has been pretty traumatic for me. I think that you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out.
Matthew: We broke up, Mel. It is not my job to hold your hand.

Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.
Lynette: Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family.
Tom: I didn't think it was that big a deal!
Lynette: Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
Susan: Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
Lynette: What are you, a scientist?
Susan: No. No, I write children's books.

Zach: Hi, dad.
Paul: So, did you have any luck with your grandfather?
Zach: Yeah, I talked to Noah. He's not gonna give us the money.
Paul: Damn it,Zach!
Zach: Sorry?
Paul: Go back and talk to him.
Zach: No, I, I don't think he's gonna change his mind.
Paul: Terrific. Am I gonna see you tomorrow?
Zach: No, I, I can't come tomorrow.

Displaying quotes 82 - 90 of 429 in total