The most successful private investigator in Fairview was a man named Oliver Weston. Try though he might, Oliver couldn't remember the exact moment he stopped believing in love. Was it the night he caught an executive cheating with his secretary? Or was it the day he saw a housewife cheating with her delivery boy? Or was it the time he caught the girl next door cheating with the couple across the street? Whenever the moment, Oliver Weston was now officially a cynic who only believed in betrayal and suspicion. Luckily for Oliver, that's what paid his bills.

Mary Alice

Lynette: Ed can't fire you unless he has just cause, so until this blows over you have to be a model employee: show up on time, no more three martini lunches and above all, have ready all your presentations.
Tom: I can't believe I've been victimized like this.
Lynette: Honey, in all fairness...those are all things you should be doing anyway..
Tom: ...Fine!

Lynette: Guys, I'm all for bashing exes, but lets save a little of our hate for his partner in crime, the Other Woman!
Bree: Yeah! You know they're always coming up with this excuses to justify being a home record.
Gabrielle: Exactly, like you wouldn't have been with me if he was getting it at home!
Lynette: Honey, You're the love of my life she's just a runner up
Susan: Oh, look! The baby is doing something really cute!
Gabrielle: She's sleeping.
Susan: Like an angel!

Edie: (to Susan) You know, when Karl dumped you I thought that it was all your fault, I figured that you were nag or bad in bed but, now I see that you were just a victim too, we have a bond Susan, It's like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one!
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe!

There is a prayer intended to give strength to people faced with circumstances they don't want to accept. The power of the prayer comes from it's insight into human nature. Because so many of us rage against the hand that life has dealt us. Because so many of us are cowardly. And afraid to stand up for what is right. Because so many of us give into despair when faced with an impossible choice. The good news for those who utter these words is that God will hear you and answer your prayer. The bad news is that sometimes the answer is no.

Mary Alice

Karl Mayer didn't pray often, but when he did, it was usually to ask for God's help in breaking up with a woman. And to spare him the nasty drama that usually accompanied such callous and unexpected departures. Over the years Karl had dumped dozens of women. And not one of them had seen it coming. Every retreat was always meticulously planned right down to the personalized stationary. Hence, his record of successful getaways from women who did not want to see him go. So when he decided to break up with Edie Britt, Karl prayed to God yet again to help him avoid all the unnecessary drama. Unfortunately for Karl, God was in the mood to be entertained. As he sat there, Karl couldn't help but wonder why God had forsaken him. It never occurred to him that God might be a woman.

Mary Alice

Gabrielle: Look, I think we all know that Karl is a dog. But let's face it, if these tramps were laying out the buffet, he wouldn't be chowing down!
Susan: Well, every situation is different and it's hard to judge until we know all the details. (all four women stare at Susan)
Susan: Which obviously I don't know, because how would I know. (the women continue staring at Susan)
Susan: She's a slutty, slutty whore, absolutely! (All the women smile and nod)
Edie: Yeah!

Bree: I think you'd love the opera. The music and the voices, it's just all so passionate.
Peter: Yeah, three hundred-pound soprano seducing balding tenors. That'd be hot!

Peter: Bree, it's dangerous to care about me, a lot of people have over the years and they all end up getting hurt.
Bree: Rex said he'd always be faithful, George said he'd never hurt me, and as it turns out they were both liars, so as long as you are honest with me, you'll be amazed of what I can put up with.

Claude: Damn it Peter! What did I tell you?
Peter: Avoid lust triggers.
Claude: And what is she?
Peter: Oh, don't do this man.
Claude: She's a lust trigger, a lust trigger!
Bree: Oh excuse me, I don't know what that means but could you stop saying it!

(At Gabrielle's house)
Edie: You know when Karl dumped you Susan, I thought that it was all your fault. Yeah, I figured that you were a nag or bad in bed. But now, but now I see that you were just a victim too. We have a bond, Susan. Like we're sisters. There's even a pretty one and an ugly one.
Bree: Edie!
Edie: Oh I'm just saying that Karl screwed us both!
Susan: Yes, like you wouldn't believe.

Lynette: You're an award-winning copywriter, Ed, you get paid to write!
Ed: Yeah, jingles for oatmeal, not soft-core porn!
Lynette: For God's sake, it's not brain surgery!

Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 429 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

(to Susan) Whatever - I'm doing it, so keep your trap shut!

Edie

You said she touched your soul I just want to make sure her hands are clean.

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