Bree: Andrew, I'm having Peter over for dinner and I was wondering if you would like to invite Justin?
Andrew: Yeah, thanks. I'll call him tonight.
Danielle: Since you to are having your boyfriends over, can I invite Matthew?
Bree: Out of the question!
Danielle: So let me get this straight. You can date a lech and he can bring over his gay lover but God forbid I date a hot black guy...

Susan: You're always worried about Julie and me and you beat up my new boyfriend. And now you're protecting me from Edie. Do you know what all that means?
Mike: That you're high maintenance?

(At Mike's place after Oliver has played the tape of Karl and Susan talking)
Susan: Okay, ahm, first of all it was not the best sex I ever had. I just said that to make him feel better. Obviously, you are the best sex I ever had.
Oliver: That explains the punch in the face.
Mike: I'm gonna hit you again if you don't shut up.
Susan: I know that this looks bad-
Mike: You were actually fooling around with Karl behind Edie's back.
Susan: No, no, no. No, Karl lied to me. He told me that he and Edie had split up before-
Mike: You know what? I don't even care.

Carlos: I still can't believe it. I mean, why would Xiao-Mei just offer herself up to me like that?
Gabrielle: Well, honey, she's a virgin. Who knows why virgins do anything?
Carlos: She's a virgin? Are you serious?
Gabrielle: Yeah. I wouldn't just slam her for no reason.

Bree: Honey, you've got to eat something.
Gabrielle: Don't have an appetite. In fact, this is all going to go to waste. You guys should take something.
Lynette: No, no, you should keep it.
Edie: I'll take a couple. (All the ladies stare at her) What? Karl dumped me, so I'm alone. Food fills the void.

(talking about Xiao-Mei) Bree, you heard what she said? I can't let this poor kid going back to China and become someone's slave!

Gabrielle

Susan: I've never stopped caring about you.
Mike: Then why did you jump in bed with Karl?
Susan: I would have never even gone there if I thought there was a chance with us. You just closed the door so completely, I- Can we just not talk about him? Have some more pie. (She feeds him) I know you like pie. I know you like me.

Susan: You are about to unleash a nuclear explosion. Lives are going to be ruined.
Detective: I'll tell you what, I'll hold off until Monday to report to Miss Britt. I'll give you some time to scrape together some cash.
Susan: What if I can't?
Detective: Boooom!!

Peter: Bree, it's dangerous to care about me, a lot of people have over the years and they all end up getting hurt.
Bree: Rex said he'd always be faithful, George said he'd never hurt me, and as it turns out they were both liars, so as long as you are honest with me, you'll be amazed of what I can put up with.

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