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Paul: You have to talk to Noah.
Zach: But he creeps me out.
Paul: Who cares? This is my life we're talking about. I need a big-time lawyer in my corner, and where else are we gonna get that kind of money?
Zach: Noah's not gonna give me a dime if he knows it's for you. He hates your guts.
Paul: Tell him it's for you. Tell him you want a car. Tell him you're ready for him to buy your love. Trust me, dying men are nothing if not sentimental.
Zach: Why do you need so much, anyway? I thought only guilty men needed expensive lawyers.
Paul: Felicia has obviously been planning this for months. Who knows what other kind of evidence she's planted? With my luck, they'll open up the Martha Huber murder again, try to nail me with some D.N.A.
Zach: You swore to me that you had nothing to do with that.

Sally: Boy, do I feel for you. Trying to convince your friends that you're still normal, and you're surrounded by a bunch of loons.
Bree: You, too?
Sally: Oh, please. Dr. Barr goes out of his way to make me feel like a complete psychopath. I think he's crazier than the patients, actually.
Bree: You know that, um, that woman in the wheelchair? What's her story?
Sally: Yeah, she's a kooky one. She hasn't spoken a word since she got here. She just sits there all day long waiting for your friend to come and visit. He talks to her for hours, but I don't even think she can hear him.

Gabrielle: Xiao-Mei, how did you rip your panties?
Xiao-Mei: I fall down.

Lynette: Guys? Could you come here for a second? We need to have a serious talk. Okay, we have had a great... vacation, but tomorrow we're going home, except we're not going to our home. We're gonna go stay with Grandma.
Porter: Is dad gonna be there?
Lynette: No, dad is not gonna be there, but he--he is gonna come and see you guys all the time. We are still
gonna be a family. It's just... we won't be living in the same place anymore. So...is there any questions you wanna ask me?
Porter: Can we go swimming now?

Bree: You let go of me right now!
Dr. Barr: Hey, hey! What's going on here?
Bree: I am trying to leave, and these morons won't let me. Do you know that you can be arrested for kidnapping and for detaining someone?!
Dr. Barr: Why do you need to leave?
Bree: Because my daughter is in danger.
Dr. Barr: Something happened at cheerleading camp?
Bree: Okay, there's no camp. That was a fib on my part. I found out that she ran away with a boy and the boy is a murderer.

Xiao-Mei: Mrs. Solis! Why you home?
Gabrielle: Carlos is dead, Xiao-mei.
Xiao-Mei: No, please don't kill him.
Gabrielle: No, you don't understand. He's already dead.
There was an accident. He's all over the highway.
Xiao-Mei: No... he in kitchen.

(upon seeing the RV trailer she is going to live in) Why are you doing this to me? I get good grades. I don't do drugs. I've never come home pregnant...

Julie

We all met Lynette Scavo the day she moved onto Wisteria Lane. We quickly decided she would be our friend, mostly because we were afraid to have her as an enemy.

Mary Alice

Oh help! Can anybody hear me? Julie? I need you to try to unlock the door. Oh, what am I saying, she's two. Okay, I need you to unbuckle yourself and try to find a neighbor. But don't cross the street! Just tell the neighbor that your mommy's stuck in a big truck!

Susan

Melanie: And out of nowhere, he just attacked me.
Matthew: My brother's never been violent. I'm sure he didn't mean to hurt you.
Melanie: But he did.
Matthew: Let me just take you home.
Melanie: This has been pretty traumatic for me. I think that you should come over for the next few days so we can talk it out.
Matthew: We broke up, Mel. It is not my job to hold your hand.

Everyone must choose the road they will take in life. And for a special few, that road would lead to Wisteria Lane. They all arrived the exact same way. Driving up in their overloaded trucks, bringing with them their expensive antiques and ordinary dreams. I remember the first moment I saw each of them. I met Susan Mayer the day she moved to Wisteria Lane. She seems so delightfully confident, I couldn't help but feel intimidated. That feeling quickly passed.

Mary Alice

Lynette: Let's suppose your husband begged you to get pregnant, begged you, and out of the goodness of your heart, you agreed, even though it might derail your career. You agreed to a baby. A baby, singular.
Tom: Lynette, we've just met these people.
Lynette: Then, then you go in for an ultrasound, and you hear two heartbeats. Then, and only then, does your husband tell you that twins run in his family.
Tom: I didn't think it was that big a deal!
Lynette: Your family had eight sets of twins over three generations, not to mention your relatives in Kentucky with triplets! Triplets! So I ask you, do I not deserve to punish this man severely?
Susan: Well, actually, I think that twins are genetically determined by the mother.
Lynette: What are you, a scientist?
Susan: No. No, I write children's books.

Displaying quotes 73 - 84 of 429 in total

Desperate Housewives Season 2 Quotes

Let's cut this bitch open!

Dr. Ron

(to Susan) Whatever - I'm doing it, so keep your trap shut!

Edie