Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Lois: It's like our privates were shaking hands after a successful business deal in a swamp!
Peter: To me, it just proves that we're truly meant to be together.
Lois: I love you, Peter.
Peter: I love you too, Lois. [beat] By the way, you may have to become a full-on prostitute because our phone bill was $7,000.
Quagmire: Whoa, is that Harrison Ford?
Peter: Yeah, it says in the brochures that he assists with all the jumps.
Harrison Ford: Get off my plane!
Hey guys, let's try to recreate this feeling for the rest of our lives with drugs!
Peter
Peter: You know who'd look funny wearing one of those? The Monopoly guy!
Mahmoud: Correct! Go directly to jail and convert to Islam!
Peter: Hahaha, because they do that!
Mahmoud: Yes, that is what I intended.
You know, I actually feel really bad for him, you know he knew 19 guys who died on 9/11? What're the odds of that?
Peter
Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice? It's so deep!
Peter: I think I'm sick.
Lois: Well, you don't sound like yourself. In fact, you sound kinda hot!
Peter: I just threw up two chicken gyros out the side of my nose, they're on your side of the bed.
Lois: Ohhhh...say that again!
Lois: Oh Peter, this voice of yours is really something. I can't get enough of it!
Peter: Yeah, it's been pretty great. Y'know, I even won a deep voice contest with Joe yesterday.
Stewie: Brian, I can't find Rupert anywhere! Have you seen him?
Brian: Oh, I thought Lois would've told you. She sent him back to the factory.
Stewie: what, why?
Brian: She was afraid he was going to choke you.
Stewie: That was a game we played! Believe me, I was in control the whole time!
Lois: Peter, what happened to your voice?
Peter: Oh, you know what happened, you sexy minx. My white blood cells attacked the pathogens and created antibodies and then the pathogens were filtered out by my kidneys into my urine and then expelled from my body, you slut.
Lois: Dr. Hartman, is Peter gonna be okay?
Dr. Hartman: One more person asks me about a patient today, I'm gonna scream.
I'm feeling ship-shape, if the ship is the SS Minnow! Doctor said I'd be making bland jokes for a week.
Peter
I'd even go so far as to say that a Canadian strip club is the most magical place in the world.
Quagmire
