Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXFavorite Family Guy Quotes
Quagmire: Do like me, say "oui oui!" and tell them you're a friend of Bill Maher's!
Bill Maher: That's how you'll get to watch them pee in Canadian nudie bars!
Peter: A private plane? How'd you swing that, Quagmire?
Quagmire: Let's just say I walked in John Travolta with not-Kelly-Preston.
Peter: You know, we saved so much trouble not flying commercial I think we came out ahead.
Joe: Sure. Drive right up to the plane.
Peter: Exactly. If we went to Logan, that plane wouldn't crash for another hour at least. [plane crashes behind him] Oh, they made pretty good time!
Quagmire: What the hell? Jerome's on your team?
Mort Goldman: That's right! We got to know each other while I was following him around my store!
Lois: I can't believe Horace's dead.
Stewie: I can't believe we left Brian in the car with the windows up.
Coroner: Meg, I'm needed upstairs, so I'll let you finish up. Just put some blush here and here, it makes the eyes look a little less dead and hollow.
Meg: Wow, that really works! Maybe I'll try that on myself!
Coroner: Oh, uh, you have what we call a 'closed casket' face.
Lois: Look, I realize Quahog isn't the small town it used to be, but it's still very special to me. It's my home.
Stewie: Yeah, come on guys, she's got dyed roots in this community.
Well, you guys, we did it. We finally went to a restaurant without somebody yelling at us, and then the rest of the place applauding them.
Peter
Lois: Oh my God! We've been burglarized!
Stewie: Well, we'll just have to get that $17 insurance check and start over.
Lois: Peter, you went out and bought a farm without talking to me about it?
Peter: Well, Lois, in my defense, I have nothing to back up the first part of my sentence.
Lois: Peter, where'd you even get the money to make that kind of purchase?
Peter: I sold the house. And I did it on Craigslist, so now I have a dangerous friend!
The proudest day of a man's life is when his dog goes off to college.
Peter
