Family Guy
Sundays 9:00 PM on FOXPopular Family Guy Quotes
Stewie: How long have you been there?
Chris: Long enough to know that you have herpes and do weird stuff with your teddy bear.
Stewie: HE does weird stuff; I just don't stop him.
Peter: I am going to the Clam and I am getting my booth back! And Meg, you're gay.
Meg: No, I'm not.
Peter: You like guys, right?
Meg: Yeah.
Peter: That's called being gay.
Peter: Fresh air is bad for a kid. Look at Michael J. Fox.
Lois: What?
Peter: I don't know.
Peter: I had an affair and I think we should talk about it.
Lois: Peter, jamming yourself into a grapefruit is not an affair.
Nothing like a day at the park, surrounded by overcompensating divorced dads.
Stewie
I hate to sound like every woman ever, but I'm depressed.
Peter
Wow, Chicago--the San Francisco treat.
Peter
Lesbians have regular carpets, too, you pervs.
Peter
Peter: Let me help you! I'm great at finding stuff. Last night, I found Lois's g-spot!
Lois: No, he didn't!
Peter: I didn't think she was home.
All I know about sex is from internet porn, so I'm very excited to try buffering.
Chris
I tucked it between my legs as a joke and then it got stuck.
Chris
I'm gonna see which lobster I think deserves to die.
Chris
