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Family-guy

Banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.

Peter

Lois has gained some weight since you guys stopped having sex. Maybe you should, uh, you know, have some sex

Brian

Lois: Peter I'm not hungry.
Peter: I want you bigger, I want you fatter, it will please me.

Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.

Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!

Peter

Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.

Peter

Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Chris: ...Uh-oh.

Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.

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