Family Guy

Family Guy "Sibling Rivalry" Quotes

Peter: Banish a White Russian from my Kremlin.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: Lois has gained some weight since you guys stopped having sex. Maybe you should, uh, you know, have some sex
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter I'm not hungry.
Peter: I want you bigger, I want you fatter, it will please me.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Peter: ( sees fat Lois come in ) Oh, hey Hogzilla. You seen my hot wife Lois anywhere?
Lois: I don't know. Maybe she's out looking for a man who can satisfy her.
Peter: (laughs sarcastically) Hey, do me a favor. When you're in bed, point your butt the other way. Last night, you farted, swear to god, I thought someone was stickin' me with the cigarette lighter from the car.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.
 • Rating: 4.8 / 5.0

Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Chris: ...Uh-oh.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: Well kids, just when I thought I would never find an assistant coach, I ran into this drifter hanging out near the elementary school playground. He's got a clown costume in his trunk, so we know he's good with kids, and pictures of boys in their underwear, so, eh, he's probably had some medical training. Well, I'm going to take off while he fits you for cups in that window-less supply shed. See Ya!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Are we missing your favorite quote from "Sibling Rivalry?" Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!