Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.

Peter

There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.

Peter

The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and living a life of bland compromise.

Lois

I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

Cleveland

And once again a Heavy Flow has ruined another lady's evening.

Wrestling Announcer

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

Peter

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?

Lois

Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!

Quagmire

Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley