Haha, Brian's stupid! I must alert the townsfolk!

Chris

She hasn't read your book Bri - that's your main character.

Stewie

That one's on the cover!

Stewie

That's page one, she's quoting page one.

Stewie

We now return to another Michael Jordan underwear commercial on a plane for some reason!

Announcer

Did someone say "jewish!?"

Neil

You're in high school sweetie, you should be more worried about your weight than your grades!

Lois

Stewie: Here. I'll quiz you. Who said, "We have nothing to fear but fear itself"?
Chris: Scooby Doo
Stewie: No
Chris: Shaggy
Stewie: It's nobody on Scooby-Doo

Brian: What's on his arms?
Stewie: Those are waterwings. He was terrified of the water.

Come on guys. We're getting Oklahoma, Wyoming, Arkansas, Missouri, Nebraska, Kansas, North Dakota, South Dakota and Louisiana. What are the chances all those states suck?

Thomas Jefferson

Brian: Excuse me Mr. Hemingway. Can I have a beer with you?
Ernest Hemingway: Sure, I love life and all the people in it.
Brian: Thanks and, as a fellow writer, I'd love to talk to you about your craft God if only we can get rid of these damn arms and attach the pen directly to the heart.....
[Hemingway shoots himself]

Besides, saving this ship would mean, like, talking to 80 people and I'm not in the mood right now.

Stewie

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Announcer: We now return to Morgan Freeman starring in "The Narrator."
Morgan Freeman: Ever since I was a little boy, people have enjoyed the sound of my voice. And I figured you either get busy talkin or you get busy dyin'. The work is really quite easy. Why even right now I'm just sitting in a chair, sipping some tea and reading from a script. The wall is covered in something that resembles egg crates except they're soft and spongy, like a twinkie...like a twinkie.