Or you can pull the hose out of the bucket and let the hose run free.

Peter

There are gaps in my knowledge. This is hardly news.

Peter

The secret to happiness is burying all your true feelings and living a life of bland compromise.

Lois

I love putting my hands down my pants when I'm on drugs.

Cleveland

And once again a Heavy Flow has ruined another lady's evening.

Wrestling Announcer

The only way to settle a family dispute is in the cage.

Peter

Meg: Trust me, I know more about getting bullied than anyone.
Peter: You do? How?

Can't you just go out there and pretend to have a good time?

Lois

Oh, my God! His chin does kinda look like nuts!

Quagmire

Karen Griffin: I'm just joshing, kid. Auntie's not a biscuit bumper.
Meg: I'm not either.

You're like all the worst parts of a girlfriend.

Brian

There's nothing worse than grocery shopping the day before Thanksgiving.

Lois

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off

Stewie