Meg: There's no factory?
Stewie: Ha! Very good, fat man! We follow the Pied Piper of Hamsteak to the Gates of Oblivion, and look what it's brought us! We're finished! We're done! Game over, man! Game over!

• Permalink: There's no factory? Ha! Very good, fat man! We follow the Pied...
• Added: September 29, 2009

My dad worked at that factory for sixty years. That's almost eighty years

Peter

• Permalink: My dad worked at that factory for sixty years. That's almost eig...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: We all love the bible in this house.
Francis: Really? What's your favourite book of the bible.
Peter: Umm... the one where Jesus swallows the puzzle piece, and the man in a big yellow hat has to take him to the hospital

• Permalink: We all love the bible in this house. Really? What's your favou...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Lois: He just got up and left? Where would he go?
Peter: I don't know. I just asked him to buy me some peanuts and crackerjacks.
Brian: I don't care if he ever comes back... I wasn't being cute, I really hope he's dead

• Permalink: He just got up and left? Where would he go? I don't know. I ju...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Francis: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in hell after all. Maybe you'll just go to purgatory with all the un-baptized babies.
Peter: There you go, Lois, you love kids

• Permalink: You're a good woman, Lois. Perhaps you won't burn in hell after ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Hello Boston, are you ready to humblllleeee yourself before God? .... What, have you all taken a vow of silence? Come on!

The Pope's Emcee

• Permalink: Hello Boston, are you ready to humblllleeee yourself before God?...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Why does the man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it with me!

Stewie [watching baseball]

• Permalink: Why does the man drop his club before he runs? I would bring it ...
• Added: September 29, 2009

I didn't know there was a five a.m. mass. I didn't even know there was a five a.m. What else haven't you told me!?

Chris

• Permalink: I didn't know there was a five a.m. mass. I didn't even know the...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Pope: Are you sure this is Boston?
Peter: Oh, yeah. [Points to a barn] Look, there's Harvard.
Pope: That's just a barn.
Peter: Ooh, I see someone went to Yale

• Permalink: Are you sure this is Boston? Oh, yeah. Look, there's Harvard....
• Added: September 29, 2009

I'd like to announce I've given the a gift the whole world can appreciate, I've colorized the moon

Ted Turner

• Permalink: I'd like to announce I've given the a gift the whole world can a...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while she's burning in hell, may she rest in peace

Peter

• Permalink: Your Aunt Margarite is probably laughing at me right now while s...
• Added: September 29, 2009

Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.
Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'it's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.
Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?
Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again

• Permalink: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman. Well,...
• Added: September 29, 2009