What do people do who don't drink?


I can get people to pay me 10 bucks just for doing stupid stuff?


Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.


Now all I need is a group photo of me kneeling in front of the village so I can brag about what a good person I am.


It's true. Even at the speed of light, mean-spirited thoughts from the stars can take thousands or even millions of years to reach the earth. Hamburger.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.


Carter; Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa.
Warlord: What is Kwanzaa?
Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.

Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted?
Peter: What's that?
Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.

I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.


Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.


Spending the day with him is going to be worse than eating at a ballpark.


The good news is that now he can go back to being a regular kid.


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Bill Clinton: All right, are you ready for another round of N.A.F.T.A
Lois Griffin: What does N.A.F.T.A. mean?
Bill Clinton: 'Nother Afternoon of F****** That Ass!