Just last week I let you watch me complain after I ate too many hot wings.


There's nothing here, besides a weird life-sized doll made out of all the stuff that was stolen.


One day a rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets.


You go home and tell your mother, she's supposed to be a parent, not a friend.


Aw, Quagmire got away with it and learned nothing -- that's great.


You got a good body man, why do you hide it under your robe?


Did you hear about your ex-husband yet? He's had a procedure.


Quagmire: Where do you get off?!
Stewie: Pretty much everywhere I hear. Fat man's right -- they're making this easy.

Don't think of it as 20 years -- think of it as two 10 year olds, you sick freak.


You know I'm carrying three handguns and the metal detectors picked up nothing?


My misguided carnal instincts are the results of being raised by a sexual deviant.


Doctor: How do you feel?
Quagmire's Mom: Horny. Really horny. Could you put him back so I can push him out again?

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley