What do people do who don't drink?

Peter

I can get people to pay me 10 bucks just for doing stupid stuff?

Peter

Oh, yeah. Black guys put hot sauce on everything on account most of us have been pepper-sprayed by the time we're two.

Cleveland

Now all I need is a group photo of me kneeling in front of the village so I can brag about what a good person I am.

Peter

It's true. Even at the speed of light, mean-spirited thoughts from the stars can take thousands or even millions of years to reach the earth. Hamburger.

Neil deGrasse Tyson

Are you about done? I'm supposed to go lion hunting with a scumbag dentist.

Carter

Carter; Tear it all down. Now. Or I'm cancelling Kwanzaa.
Warlord: What is Kwanzaa?
Carter: Ha! I knew it wasn't real.

Carter: So that money's just been Josh Hartnetted?
Peter: What's that?
Carter: Gone, disappeared, never to be heard from again.

I got to email that to Babs. She hates people.

Carter

Not everyone can be as fascinating as you, Brian.

Stewie

Spending the day with him is going to be worse than eating at a ballpark.

Peter

The good news is that now he can go back to being a regular kid.

Brian

Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off

Stewie