He's my friend, I miss him.


You go ahead, I have to make the waffle fries you scream-requested in the car.


Brian: Permission to take fast tiny bites at my own tail, sir?
Peter: Go ahead.

Home-Ec just got out, and I'm gonna go lick all their bowls.


It enhances my life to know how your life is going!


How are we going to catch Abu Nasir!?


Peter: Well, I am off to try and get out of this conversation!
Lois: Peter, what did you do?
Peter: He was slightly inconveniencing me and Joe, so we threatened to destroy his family.

Peter: No, you're not supposed to hit it into the water.
Lois: But you hit it into the water.
Peter: I know I hit it into the water.
Lois: But why do they have water if you're not supposed to hit it there.
Peter: Because it's fun! We're having fun!

Shhh! The green shirt went by again! If it goes around 30 times in 5 minutes, you get to have a diet coke!


Peter: Alright, lets dope her up good -- get that mouth off her.
Cleveland: No Peter! The problem is you!

The new maid is peeing on me, and she didn't even say anything clever!


Whew, I was damn near out of tweed.


Family Guy Quotes

Stewie: (Comes into the bedroom) Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Lois! Mom! Mom! Mom! Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! Mama! Mama! Mama! Ma! Ma! Ma! Ma! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mum! Mummy! Mummy! Mumma! Mumma! Mumma!
Lois: What!?
Stewie: Hi! (Giggling and running out of the room)

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley