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Family-guy

Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?
Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.
Lois: Aww....
Peter: And to exploit your hard labour for free travel and fun.
Lois: What?
Peter: Shhh... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady

It's like I always tell the kids, a quitter never wins and don't trust whitie

Lois

Peter: Wait, wait, wait, wait! Wait a second! You're telling me, I flew all the way to Kentucky, to get some of your fried chicken, and--and the Colonel isn't even working today??
KFC Employee: He ain't here -- He dead.
Peter: What??
KFC Employee: I say he dead.
Peter: Is Mr. Sanders in?
KFC Employee: What wrong wit you? I say you he dead!
Peter: . . . . THE COL-ONEL!

I've seen that crappy Julia Roberts movie forty seven times. Have you seen the lips on that women?! It's like a baboon's ass on her face!

Lois

I don't suppose you have any valium on you? Of course not, you're leading the straight life now

Stewie [to his stuffed animal]

Brian: Well, well, looks like you're in love.
Stewie: Ha! That's so funny I forgot to laugh...excluding that first "ha!"
Brian: Face it, you're a sucker for a woman with blue eyes.
Stewie: Aha! Her eyes are green!
Brian: Aha! Thanks for proving my point.
Stewie: Damn!

All right, what's going on back here? Oh hello Megan. Wait a minute, your not part of the popular clique. You run along and play alone somewhere. Shame on you all, getting her hopes up like that

Teacher

A girl answered a math problem, you know what the means. A WITCH!

Teacher

I'll tell you Lois, High school is a lot more fun this time around. And it's a lot safer now that all the kids have guns

Peter
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