I know, you're a feminist, and I think that's adorable, but this is grown-up time now and I'm the man


Lois, you've left me no choice but to beat you the only way I know how. By killing you!...in the race for schoolboard president


Well, a lot of nasty things have been said during this campaign. But pictures are better than words because some words are big and hard to understand


Peter: Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?
Lois: Peter we discussed this, I'm running for school board. You never listen to me.
Peter: Oh yeah, I remember. Hey Cleveland, hey Quagmire. ... Hey, Lois, what's with the sign?

Peter [at the debate]: Well, I-I have always cared deeply about young people. As a rich college bound student I once joined some underprivileged youths in saving a community center from being converted into a shopping mall. (crowd cheers)
Lois: Peter, that wasn't you. That was Adolfo "Shabba-Doo" in Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo! You watched that last night... (crowd boos)

When I'm done, our students will be so smart, they'll be able to program their VCRs without spilling piping hot gravy all over myself


There's quite a crowd outside. I haven't seen pandemonium like this since Ridiculous Day down at the deli, where prices were so low, they were ridiculous


Peter: You gonna eat that stapler?
Calahan: Umm... you can't eat a-
Peter: Wanna split it?

Chris: Are you sure this'll work?
Peter: Chris, this is just another one of your crazy schemes.
Chris: But this whole thing was your idea.
Peter: You'll find out.
Chris: Dad, you're not makin' any sense.
Peter: You just leave that to me

Lois, anyone who wouldn't pretend their own son is dyin' to get the Gumble's back on TV is a racist. There. I said it


Peter: I'll handle it Lois. I read a book about this sort of thing once.
Brian: Are you sure it was a book? Are you sure it wasn't nothing?
Peter: Oh yeah

Peter: When did God ever say he didn't want someone else being worshipped like him?
Lois: It's one of the Ten Commandments.
Peter: Oh, come on Lois, those were written like 200 years ago. Times have changed

Family Guy Season 2 Quotes

Gays don't vomit. They're a very clean people. And they have been ever since they came to this country from France


Coco: You simply must join us in a game of baccarat.
Peter: Right baccarat atcha!