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Lois: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat and fear.
Stewie: Ughh let me tell you Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their "A" squad, I actually saw bullet wounds.
- Permalink: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat ...
Herbert: Well Jessie I guess we gotta find some other way to spend our evenings.
TV announcer: And now back to ESPN's exclusive coverage of the little league world series.
Herbert: Ohhh JACKPOT!
- Permalink: Well Jessie I guess we gotta find some other way to spend our ev...
Lois: Peter, we need to talk about your son.
Peter: Which one? The fat one, or the funny lookin' one?
Chris: (laughs at Stewie) Dad called you fat! Wait...
- Permalink: Peter, we need to talk about your son. Which one? The fat one,...
Peter: Have you my son?
Dumbo Crow: Well, I done seen just about everything, but I ain't never seen your boy, no way, no how!
Peter: That's good, old-fashioned family racism.
- Permalink: Have you my son? Well, I done seen just about everything, but ...
Brian: Umm...where are the toilets?
New Yorker Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
- Permalink: Umm...where are the toilets? Oh, no one at The New Yorker has ...
Peter: A-Team roll call; Face?
Quagmire: Here and handsome!
Joe: Here, and... crazy!
Cleveland: I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
- Permalink: A-Team roll call; Face? Here and handsome! Murdoch? Here, ...
Brian: Wow, you went to Harvard, huh? I'm an Ivy League man myself, I went to Brown.
Wellsley Sheperdson: Ooh, my incarcerated business partner's retarded gay niece went to Brown, what year did you graduate?
Brian: Well, I mean, I, I didn't... technically graduate.
Sheperdson: You're a college dropout? Brian, The New Yorker does not employ your kind! You, sir, are fired!
- Permalink: Wow, you went to Harvard, huh? I'm an Ivy League man myself, I w...
Lois: Oh, Brian, I can't believe they fired you! How come you never told us you dropped out of college?
Chris: I, I saw an after-school special about that! It didn't work out too well for Kristy McNichol, but, then again, nothing did..
- Permalink: Oh, Brian, I can't believe they fired you! How come you never to...
[Brian watching Facts of Life]
Jo: Uh, Mrs. Garrett, can I ask you something?
Mrs. Garrett: What is it Jo?
Jo: Um... is it alright if your penis and vagina touch each other?
Mrs. Garrett: What?!
Jo: Yeah, I kinda woke up this morning and they were sort of touching each other.
Mrs. Garrett: You have both?!
Jo: Yeah, doesn't everyone?
Mrs. Garrett: No!
- Permalink: Uh, Mrs. Garrett, can I ask you something? What is it Jo? Um...
Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Maylor's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.Quagmire
- Permalink: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we'...
Lois: You were right Peter
Peter: No way! I finally get to do this!
[pulls on a rope which drops balloons and confetti and unrolls a banner that says Peter's Right]
Peter: I had that set up fifteen years ago. Hey where's the clown?
Lois: We have to do something about the FCC. Pack your bags, Peter, we're going to Washington DC.
[skeleton with a clown nose and a rainbow afro wig falls from the ceiling]
Peter: Oh, there he is.
- Permalink: You were right Peter No way! I finally get to do this! I h...
Lois: Peter, what are you doing? What is all this stuff?
Chris: Dad's starting his own tv station, but I'm not supposed to tell mom, because she's just gonna bitch him out.
- Permalink: Peter, what are you doing? What is all this stuff? Dad's start...