Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 11)

Season 4 Episode 6: "Petarded"

Meg [about Peter being retarded]: I can't believe this is happening to me! I can never go back to school again!
Stewie: Oh, yes, Meg, yes-yes yes, everything was going swimmingly for you until this. Yes, yes, THIS is the thing that will ruin your reputation, not two years of grotesque appearance, or awkward social graces, or that Felix Ungerish way you clear your sinuses, no no no, it's THIS. Do you hear yourself talk? I might kill you tonight!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter [on the phone]: Hello, Sally, h-hey, it's Peter Griffin. Yeah, that's right, senior prom, yeah, it's been a while, yeah. So, uh, listen, uh, I just found out I'm retarded, and, um, I'm just calling to let you know that, uh, you might want to get yourself tested...Hello?
Lois: Peter, mental retardation usually happens before you're born. It isn't something you can catch. Don't you think you're overreacting?
Peter: Well, excuse me for being retarded!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Well excuse me for being retarded. My whole world is turned upside-down. Black is east, up is white.
Brian: Peter, I hate to say 'I told you so' about not being a genius, but uh... YEAH! IN YOUR F**KING FACE, F**KWAD! I'm... I'm sorry
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: All right everybody, time for paint ball!
Brian: Uh... I forgot to pick up the paint ballguns.
Joe: We can use these, [he brings a box of live guns] I brought them from the office.
Everyone takes a gun.
Lois: Peter, is it safe to be firing real gun in the house?
Peter: All right, All Right, nobody fire at Lois, she's scare... Okay 1.. 2.. 3... GO!
 • Rating: Unrated

Stewie [to prostitute]: So, is there any tread left on the tires, or at this point is it just like throwing a hot dog down a hallway?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 5: "The Cleveland-Loretta Quagmire"

Brian: Hey, do you hear that?
Peter: What?
Brian: Sounds like someone's screaming.
Peter: What? What is it boy? What are you trying to say?
Brian: It sounds like Loretta is screaming.
Peter: Trouble at the old mill?
Brian: What are you insane?
Peter: Somebody fall through the ice?
Brian: It's summer.
Peter: Bobcat?
[Brian barks]
Peter: Loretta's in trouble?! Come on boy!
 • Rating: Unrated

Bonnie: Somebody save him, he can't swim!
Peter: Oh, he's not even kicking. Kick Joe, kick.
Lois: Peter, he's a paraplegic!
Peter: That doesn't mean he can't hear. Kick Joe, kick!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: You know for a large heavy-set black guy, Cleveland's got a cute little white ass
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Cleveland, Loretta's cheating on you.
Cleveland: What?!
Peter: Yeah. Funny story; Me and Brian came by your house and caught her with some guy, and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam!" and She's going "Ohhh yeah", and he's going "Bam! Bam! Bam!"
Brian: Uh, Peter...
Peter: Hold on, I'm not done yet. Bam! Bam! Bam! Bam! You wanna take it from here, Bamm-Bamm?
Bamm-Bamm: Bamm-Bamm! Bamm-Bamm-Bamm! You wanna take it from here, Emeril?
Emeril Lagasse: Bam!
 • Rating: Unrated

Cleveland: Loretta, is it true what they're saying? Were you really having carnal relations with another gentleman?
Loretta: I'm a woman, Cleveland! I need some passion in my life! I need a real man, and lord knows that ain't you!
Cleveland: Well, I admit after a long day of work, I don't always come home with that "Reuniti on ice, that's nice" mentality, and for that, I apologize.
Loretta: Apologize? I cheat on you and you apologize to me? Cleaveland Brown, you are pathetic!
Cleaveland: I disagree, but I respect your candor.
Loretta: Goodbye, Cleveland!
Cleveland: I love you...
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 4 Episode 4: "Don't Make Me Over"

Mayor Adam West: Oh God, I love this song and I love it when amateurs sing the lyrics, but I hate baseball cards
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Hey, um, do you want to, I don't know, go out sometime?
Craig: Heh, that's about as unlikely as me playing by someone else's rules besides my own, which I would never do. I play by my own rules, nobody else's, not even my own.
Meg: How about a movie?
Craig: I don't go out with dudes
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Meg: Mom, Dad, am I ugly?
Lois: Oh, of course not sweetie.
Peter: Yeah, where did you get a stupid idea like that?
Meg: Craig Hoffman.
Peter: Craig Hoff...Craig Hoffman said that? Well he's a sharp kid, you might be ugly
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Hey Fallon! Say goodnight you bum! [Punching Jimmy Fallon repeatedly] And this is for laughing during every comedy sketch you've ever been in! Who do you think you are, Carol Burnett? You think that she did it so it's alright for you? You haven't earned what she's earned! Alright, now where is the guy who slept with my daughter?!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: I'm worried about Meg. She's spiraling out of control, I mean what if she develops a coke habit?
Peter: No Coke, Pepsi! Aww, come on! You set me up for that one!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter [about Meg]: Look Lois, I love meal ticket just as much as I love Chris and Stevie but business is business
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Chris: Wow, Saturday Night Live! I can't think of anything more exciting... Oh my God! A water fountain! Ha ha ha ha ha!
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter [on being on SNL]: You mean I'm going to get to meet John Belushi and Gilda Radner and Phil Hartman and Chris Farley and Horatio Sanz?
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: I'm not comfortable with my daughter being exploited like that.
Meg: Shut up Mom! I want to be exploited
 • Rating: Unrated

Cleveland: Cool, Glenn! You look like Tommy Lee!
Quagmire: Well that oughta be appropriate, since I just found out I have hepatitis
 • Rating: Unrated

Are we missing your favorite "Family Guy" quote? Submit it here and get points for adding quotes!