Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 6)

Season 4 Episode 18: " The Father, The Son, and The Holy Fonz"

Quagmire: Reverend Peter, I gotta talk to you... last night I had sex with a teenage blonde, and her mother.
Peter: Well that's quite a story, Quagmire, but my church doesn't have confession. So why are you telling me?
Quagmire: Are you kidding? I'm telling everybody! Giggity-goo-ga.
 • Rating: Unrated

Francis: Stewie Griffin, I baptise you, in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Ghost.
Peter: And Space Ghost.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: It's just like having sex with Kobe Bryant. You can kick and scream all you want...but it's still gonna happen.
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Chris: I like you Grandpa. Your toe-nails are the same color as my school bus.
 • Rating: Unrated

Chris: All right, Dad! This used to be an old barn, but thanks to you, now it's an old barn with a sign on it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: If we get Stewie baptised, you and all other old people have to acknowledge and be aware that there's crap in the corners of your mouth.
Francis: I'll think about it.
 • Rating: Unrated

Diane: Also in the news some trouble at Saint Phillips church.
Tom: That's right Diane, a shipment of tainted holy water could put some local babies in jeopardy.
Diane: Sounds dangerous Tom, Be careful next time you're at confession telling the priest about cheating on your wife with that Filipino drag queen.
Tom: Well at least you're in no danger Diane since you only visit church to leave your self delivered, unwashed, half dead newborns on the back step. Coming up how to turn your unwanted change into foldin' money.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Do you really think that splashing "magic water" on Stewie is gonna keep him out of hell?
Francis: Shut your heathen trap, or else you'll be gettin' a taste of me fist!
Brian: That's very christian. "Believe what I say, or I'll hurt you".
Francis: Now you're getting it!
 • Rating: 3.7 / 5.0

Lois: (Holds up a "Church of the Fonz" poster) Peter, you've been posting these all over town. People are gonna think you're crazy.
Peter: Hey, how'd you like to lose a bunch of teeth? Oh, I'm sorry, Lois, that was uncalled for. But that's what you get when you challenge someone's beliefs.
 • Rating: Unrated

Francis: (hanging up crucifix) There's no cross in here. Every kitchen needs a crucifix.
Stewie: Oh yes, nothing says eat up like a bleeding, half-naked Jew nailed to a piece of wood.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 17: "The Fat Guy Strangler"

Meg: I miss Uncle Patrick.
Lois: Don't worry kids I promise we can visit him once a month.
Chris: We'll be his period.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Mr. President, there's been a hurricane in New Oreleans.
George W. Bush [in a treehouse]: Go away, I'm readin' Superfudge.
Brian: Mr. President, this is a national emergency, you've got to come deal with this.
Geroge W. Bush: Don't make me do stuff.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois [on the phone with her father]: Daddy? It's me, Lois.
Carter: Oh hello, pumpkin. Did I miss your piano recital?
Lois: No Daddy, I'm in my forties.
Carter: Oh God!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Announcer: Hey kids of america, its hand painted wooden ball-in-a-cup, Mexico's favorite toy for over 340 years. Who needs constant video game stimulation when theres ball-in-a-cup? You just toss the ball, catch it in the cup, dump it out of the cup, toss it, and catch it in the cup again. The ball is on a string and attached to the cup, so theres no worry if you dont catch the ball in the cup. And clean up is as easy as catching a ball, in a cup. So why spend another day not catching a ball in a cup when you can be catching a ball-in-a-cup?
Jingle: Ball in a cup, Ball in a cup its a ball in a cup!
Kid: Ball in a cup!
Jingle: Ball in a cup.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: (Drunk) Wow Strange Lady, you're so sexy. I should marry you tomorrow instead of that pain in the ass Lois.
Lois: Peter it's me.
Peter: You know what screw it. I'm so gunna cheat on Lois right now and I don't care if she finds out.
Lois: Peter I...
Peter: Hey do you have a condom? Eh never mind, I have this Milky way wrapper.
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: How was your physical, Peter?
Peter: Good. Good. Good, yeah. Too good, as a matter of fact. Ya know what the doctor said? The doctor said I was too healthy. Too good of shape. Don't even know how, too good of shape.
Lois: You didn't go to your physical, did you?
Peter: Er, I did not.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 4 Episode 16: "The Courtship of Stewie's Father"

Peter: Aww things were going so good for me and Stewie, but now he hates me again. Brian what should I do to win him back?
Brian: That depends. Do you want my advice or are you just asking random questions again?
Peter: What's a hypotenuse?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: That jerk Opie got employee of the month again, all because my boss hates me.
Joe: Maybe you need to brown nose her a little bit Peter.
Quagmire: Really? I thought you said she was ugly...Oh-oh-oh you-you-you mean kiss up to her.
 • Rating: 3.5 / 5.0

Stewie: Well I suppose it's not the first time someones made a miscalculation.
(Cut away to Back to the future)
Marty: What happens to us in the future Doc?
Doc: It's your kids Marty somethings gotta be done about your kids!
Marty: What do you mean?
Doc: Your daughter marries a black man!!
Marty: That's actually not a big deal for me
Jennifer: Yeah me neither
Doc: Wha-it-wha-it-you...Really?
Marty:Yeah I mean what's wrong with that?
Doc: oh oh ah Nothing! nothing it's nothing I guess.. I think it's great! congratulations.
Marty: I don't think I'm comfortable around you anymore.
Doc: Did you know Peanut Butter was invented by a black man?
Marty: Too late Doc.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Great idea bringing Stewie to Fenway park Peter.
Peter: Yeah there's no better place for a father and son to really get to know each other then a ball game.
Brian: Ah where is Stewie?
(Cut to Stewie sweating and stuck in the car in the parking lot with all the windows up)
Woman: Is that a baby in there?!
Man: Oh My God... He's gonna miss the game.
 • Rating: Unrated

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