Boy, fat sex is the best sex we've ever had! Last night there were so many boobs I didn't know who's boobs I was grabbin'!


Lois, men aren't fat. Only fat women are fat.


Chris: For my science homework, I had to make a shoebox diarrhea of the evolution of man.
Lois: You mean diorama.
Chris: ...Uh-oh.

Lois: I now understand that eating is not the way to solve my problems. You hear that, Meg?
Meg: For your information, Mom, I don't eat to solve my problems. I cut myself. Is that better?
Lois: Chris we all love your hat.
Chris: Thanks Mom!

Lois: Okay, one more minute, and then if there are two pink lines...
Peter: Oh god, I hope you're not pregnant, we can't afford another kid. We already got Chris, Stewey, Richie, Joanie, Greg, Marsha, Bobby, Jan, Mike Seaver, Carol Seaver, Boner, Urkel, Mr. Furley...
Brian: Peter those aren't your kids. That's the Nick-At-Night lineup.
Peter: Blanka, Zangief, Chun-Li, Guile, E. Honda...
Brian: That's Street Fighters.
Peter: Red, blue, green...
Brian: Those are colors.

Well kids, just when I thought I would never find an assistant coach, I ran into this drifter hanging out near the elementary school playground. He's got a clown costume in his trunk, so we know he's good with kids, and pictures of boys in their underwear, so, eh, he's probably had some medical training. Well, I'm going to take off while he fits you for cups in that window-less supply shed. See Ya!


Bertram: What took you so long?
Stewie: What took you so ugly!?

Lois: I think I'm pregnant.
Peter: Oh, are you sure it's yours?

Lois: Do you think I'm fat?
Waiter: Only if you think I'm a serial killer.
Lois: What?
Waiter: Nothing.

Lois: Why should I get my tubes tied? You should get a vasectomy?
Peter: First: I don't know what that is. And two: no freakin way.

Joe: A lot of the guys on the force have had vasectomies, and their lives haven't changed much.
Cleveland: Would you ever have one?

Chris: Say Doc, what did you do with the all the fat you took out of my mom?
Dr. Hartman: It's right here in this storage closet.
(He opens the closet and sees Peter having sex with the bag of far
Peter: Um, it's exactly what it looks like.

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes

Hi, I'm Wilford Brimley and I have diabetes. It hurts me to pee and it causes me to be short with my family. I can't sleep at night. The other day I stubbed my toe and took it out on the dog. And two weeks ago I ran out of vanilla ice cream and struck my wife. Then I find out my wife has been dead for six years. Who the hell did I hit?

Wilford Brimley

How you uh, how you comin' on that novel you're working on? Huh? Gotta a big, uh, big stack of papers there? Gotta, gotta nice little story you're working on there? Your big novel you've been working on for 3 years? Huh? Gotta, gotta compelling protagonist? Yeah? Gotta obstacle for him to overcome? Huh? Gotta story brewing there? Working on, working on that for quite some time? Huh? Yea, talking about that 3 years ago. Been working on that the whole time? Nice little narrative? Beginning, middle, and end? Some friends become enemies, some enemies become friends? At the end your main character is richer from the experience? Yeah? Yeah? No, no, you deserve some time off