Family Guy

Family Guy Season 4 Quotes (Page 7)

Episode 16: "The Courtship of Stewie's Father"

Lois: Peter did you take Stewie to a strip club? he smells like Sweat and fear.
Stewie: Ughh let me tell you Tuesday afternoon is not exactly their "A" squad, I actually saw bullet wounds.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Herbert: Well Jessie I guess we gotta find some other way to spend our evenings.
TV announcer: And now back to ESPN's exclusive coverage of the little league world series.
Herbert: Ohhh JACKPOT!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Peter, we need to talk about your son.
Peter: Which one? The fat one, or the funny lookin' one?
Chris: (laughs at Stewie) Dad called you fat! Wait...
 • Rating: Unrated

Peter: Have you my son?
Dumbo Crow: Well, I done seen just about everything, but I ain't never seen your boy, no way, no how!
Peter: That's good, old-fashioned family racism.
 • Rating: Unrated

Episode 15: "Brian Goes Back to College"

Brian: Umm...where are the toilets?
New Yorker Editor: Oh, no one at The New Yorker has an anus.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: A-Team roll call; Face?
Quagmire: Here and handsome!
Peter: Murdoch?
Joe: Here, and... crazy!
Peter: B.A.?
Cleveland: I pity the fool! But also suggest ways he may better himself.
 • Rating: Unrated

Brian: Wow, you went to Harvard, huh? I'm an Ivy League man myself, I went to Brown.
Wellsley Sheperdson: Ooh, my incarcerated business partner's retarded gay niece went to Brown, what year did you graduate?
Brian: Well, I mean, I, I didn't... technically graduate.
Sheperdson: You're a college dropout? Brian, The New Yorker does not employ your kind! You, sir, are fired!
 • Rating: Unrated

Lois: Oh, Brian, I can't believe they fired you! How come you never told us you dropped out of college?
Chris: I, I saw an after-school special about that! It didn't work out too well for Kristy McNichol, but, then again, nothing did..
 • Rating: Unrated

[Brian watching Facts of Life]
Jo: Uh, Mrs. Garrett, can I ask you something?
Mrs. Garrett: What is it Jo?
Jo: Um... is it alright if your penis and vagina touch each other?
Mrs. Garrett: What?!
Jo: Yeah, I kinda woke up this morning and they were sort of touching each other.
Mrs. Garrett: You have both?!
Jo: Yeah, doesn't everyone?
Mrs. Garrett: No!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Episode 14: "PTV"

Quagmire: Hello, and welcome to another edition of Midnight Q. Tonight we're gonna enjoy some jazz from Charles Mingus. Norman Maylor's here to read an excerpt from his latest work. And we also have a girl from Omaha hiding a banana. We're gonna find out where. Giggity giggity. Giggity goo. Stick around.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: You were right Peter
Peter: No way! I finally get to do this!
[pulls on a rope which drops balloons and confetti and unrolls a banner that says Peter's Right]
Peter: I had that set up fifteen years ago. Hey where's the clown?
Lois: We have to do something about the FCC. Pack your bags, Peter, we're going to Washington DC.
[skeleton with a clown nose and a rainbow afro wig falls from the ceiling]
Peter: Oh, there he is.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lois: Peter, what are you doing? What is all this stuff?
Chris: Dad's starting his own tv station, but I'm not supposed to tell mom, because she's just gonna bitch him out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Tom Tucker: Bob Hope briefly came back to life today; only to die in a tragic motorcycle accident.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Peter: You're on TV, so I came to you for advice.
Tom Tucker: Peter, I'm flattered that you came to me and we'll be back after these messages...and we're back. Peter, if you want to control content, you'll have to start your own TV station.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Peter: AAaack! What are you doing?
FCC Guy: Censoring real life.
FCC Guy 2: His chin looks like balls. You want me to censor those too?
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No Chris honey, we're not.
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: No, Chris.
Chris: Are we there yet?
Lois: Yes, Chris, yes okay! We're there!
Chris: Liar!
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Peter: Welcome to the Peter Griffin side boob hour. A wonderful look back on all the partial nudity network television used to offer. Look at that side boob. Check out this side boob. How 'bout that side boob? That turn you on? Well it shouldn't because that's my side boob. Goodnight everybody!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Bin Laden: This is a message to all American infidels. Prepare to die in a sea of holy fire. You will be punished for your decadent ways on the first day of Radaman. You...(laughing) Wait, wait a minute. Did I just say? What did I say...Radaman? (stammering) Bla-bla-bla. Ra-ma-dan. Radaman...what is that? Yeah, maybe Dennis Radaman is gonna punish you with his crazy hair.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Brian: East of Eden? So, you pretty much read whatever Oprah tells you to, huh?
Stewie: Hey, this book has been around for fifty years. It's a classic.
Brian: But you just bought it last week. And there's an Oprah sticker on it!
Stewie: Oh, is that what that is? I'll just peel that right off.
Brian: So, what are you gonna read next?
Stewie: Well, she hasn't told us yet... Damn!
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Episode 13: "Jungle Love"

Chris: Dad, don't you see? You're using the island to get out of your problems at home.
Peter: What are you talking about? Meg's right there.
 • Rating: Unrated

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