How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes (Page 9)

Season 1 Episode 7: "Matchmaker"

Barney [referring to matchmaking service]: Come on, Ted, this is an incredible opportunity; we'll meet our soul mates, nail 'em and never call 'em again
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellen: Don't give up hope, Ted. There are new women turning 18 every day
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: Don't Ted-out about it.
Ted: Did you just use my name as a verb?
Barney: Oh, yeah, we do that when you're not around. "Ted-out": to over think. See also "Ted-up". "Ted-up": to over think with disastrous consequences. For example, "Billy Tedded-up when he-"
Ted: All right, I get it
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: No, it wasn't a cockroach, it had fur. And only mammals have fur.
Lily: It was a cockroach.
Marshall: Come on Lily, the only way it was a cockroach was if it was wearing the skin of a mouse it just killed.
Lily: Oh my god!
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellen: You give me 3 days and I will find the woman you will marry.
Ted: No, thanks. I don't need an algorithm to meet women. It's New York, you know. Plenty of fish in the sea!
Ellen: Plenty of fish in the sea! [grabs a calculator form the desk and starts clicking away] There's 9 million people in New York. 4.5 million women. Of course, you want to meet someone roughly your own age - let's say plus, minus 5 years. So if you take into account the most recent census data that leaves us with 482,000 women. But wait! 48% of those are already in relationships and then you have to eliminate half for intelligence, sense of humor and compatibility. And then you have to take out the ex girlfriends and the relatives. And, oh, you can't forget those lesbians. And then that leaves us with 8 women.
Ted: That can't be right! Eight? Really? Eight?
Ellen: There are 8 fish in that big blue ocean, Ted. And if you feel confident that you can reel one into your boat without me, there's the door.
Ted: Do you take credit cards?
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Well, I believe that you saw something perfectly normal, but you've exaggerated it in your mind; you know, um, like the Loch Ness Monster.
Marshall: If by "like the Loch Ness Monster," you mean "totally exists and is awesome," then, yeah, it's like the Loch Ness Monster.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: Lily, I love you. [grabs cockamouse and run towards window] Robin, open the window! [throws cockamouse out the window]
Robin: It can fly.
Lily, Marshall: Wow.
Marshall: Be free, mutant beast. I'll miss this private war of ours. I grew to admire your tenacious...Oh my God, it's headed this way
 • Rating: Unrated

Robin: Oh my God. It's real.
Lily: Oh, is it? Do something. [Robin throws drink at the cockamouse] What the hell was that? You're trying to get it drunk?
 • Rating: Unrated

Sarah: Ted, just calm down.
Ted: Calm down! You're my only match! There was a computer and there were 8 fish in the sea full of lesbians
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Look, don't you think you're being a little impulsive marrying a guy you just met a few months ago?
Sarah: Don't you think it's a little impulsive for you to proposition an engaged woman you don't even know?
Ted: See, we're both impulsive. We're perfect for each other
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily: Holy crap. We got it! What do we do with it?
Marshall: Calm down, I have a plan. I told my friend, Sudeep, about it. He wants to show it to the Columbia biology department. But it has to be alive.
Lily: Wait, no, no. They'll do lab experiments on it. That's so mean. Shouldn't we just beat it to death with a bat?
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: Yeah, look around. The universe is mysterious and awesome. You got the Bermuda triangle, ghosts, Big Foot.
Robin: Bad maps. Creaky houses. Hillbilly in a gorilla suit.
Marshall: Aliens? [Robin shakes her head] Oh, come one, you gotta give me aliens. Stonehenge. Area 51. There's alien crap all over the place.
Robin: You can't be serious.
Marshall: My friend, you just poked the bear
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Hey, this may sound weird but it'll definitely sound more weird once my shirt's off so I'm gonna ask you now. Do you wanna have dinner with me Saturday night?
Sarah: Oh, that's very sweet, but I'm actually getting married on Saturday.
Ted: Friday night?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Sarah: Hi, I'm Dr. O'Brien.
Ted: I'm Architect Mosby. Sorry, I just wanted to say my job, too
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: OK, this is getting weird, the similarities go on and on. She hates phonies. I totally hate phonies too. She's a dermatologist. I have skin.
Barney: You wanna be her boyfriend. She already has a boyfriend. It's uncanny
 • Rating: Unrated

Marshall: For as much as we know about the cockamousse, there are still so much we don't know.
Robin: Well, we know that there's no such thing as a cockamouse. What we don't know is what you guys have been smoking
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: My God, this is incredible. We're like the same person. Sarah O'Brien loves brunch. She wants to have two children. Her guilty pleasure song is "Summer Breeze" by Seals and Croft.
Barney: Wow, Ted, sounds like you're her perfect woman
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: He's a whole new species. The cockamouse.
Marshall: And it's the size of a potato.
Robin: So, what, now it's a cockapotatomouse?
Marshall: Don't make it sound ridiculous. It's a cockamouse
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellen: How do you think I feel? I have a 100% success rate. It's my hook. I could probably find somebody for you if you were gay.
Ted: Well, I'm not.
Ellen: A little bi maybe?
 • Rating: Unrated

Ellen [to Ted]: How do I say this? This is gonna be really hard. Ted, there are absolutely no women out there for you. Phew, actually I got through that OK
 • Rating: Unrated

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