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How-i-met-your-mother

Barney: Ladies, gentlemen, Ted. This has been a wonderful evening. I got great dirt on all you guys. I got Ted to tell the Re-return. I finally nailed Shannon. Told her I'd call her tomorrow...yeah, right! And I rediscovered how awesomely awesome my life is. Peace out, hombres!
Marshall: I think Barney just won game night

Come on, Ted can't be pregnant... you need to have sex to get pregnant

Robin

I need a drink, do we have any cough syrup in here?

Lily

[playing laser tag...]
Barney: Don't be a hero, Sherbatsky!
Robin: See you on the other side.
Both: Yaahhhhh! Charging!
[Both got shot]
Barney: Damn, wanna get a soft pretzel?
Robin: Sure

Lily: Baby, I need to do something and I can't do it in front of you. It will change the nature of our relationship.
Marshall: What is it?
Lily: I need to pee

[Barney is stripping down...]
Robin: What the hell are you doing?
Barney: I'm birthday suiting up!

The only reason to wait a month for sex is if she's 17 years, 11 months old

Barney

Robin: Well, it looks like it's gonna be just you and me.
Barney: Really?
Robin: Actually, I was talking to my martini

Future Ted: When you meet someone special, suddenly life's full of firsts: the first kiss, the first night together, the first weekend together. For me, all those firsts happened within 48 hours of meeting Victoria.

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