How I Met Your Mother

How I Met Your Mother Season 1 Quotes (Page 7)

Season 1 Episode 11: "The Limo"

Future Ted: You probably want to feel bad for your old man at this point in the story. Well, don't. Not every night has a happy ending. But all of it's important. All of it was leading somewhere. Because suddenly, it was 2006. And 2006 was a big one
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Marshall: I couldn't find Lily at party number three so I walked... I walked to the next party on the list.
Ted: Not Moby's party?
Marshall: Yes, Moby's party. Check it out. He signed my shirt. [shows the back of the shirt where the name "Eric" is written]
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: We couldn't go back for Natalya, a human being, but we do have time for hot dogs?
Marshall: Yeah, we like hot dogs
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Barney: Oh, wait, wait, wait. We have to turn around. We left Natalya.
Lily: Barney, none of us really liked her.
Barney: What?!
Lily: Sorry.
Barney: Oh, very nice, Lily. You know, she is a guest in this country. So while you may choose to turn your back on her, I choose to turn my front on her
 • Rating: Unrated

Season 1 Episode 10: "The Pineapple Incident"

Ted: Wait, you're really going out with a billionaire?
Robin: He's not a billionaire. He's a hundred millionaire. Why do people always round up?
Ted: So, where's Thurston Howell taking you?
Robin: A charity dinner.
Lily: Yeah, $2000 a plate.
Robin: $1500. Stop rounding up. And it's for third world hunger
 • Rating: Unrated

Carl the Bartender [to Lily and Marshall]: If he pukes, you're cleaning it up.
Ted: I haven't puked since high school. I'm vomit-free since '93
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Your brain screws you up Ted. It gets in the way. It happened with Robin, it happened with half-boob... and it's gonna keep on happening until you power down that bucket of neurosis, inebriation style
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: Ted, I believe you and I met for a reason. It's like the universe was saying, "Hey Barney, there's this dude, he's pretty cool, but it is your job to make him awesome"
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted: Yea and say what? What's our big opening line?
Barney: I was uh...."Daddy's home".
Ted: Daddy's home?
Barney: Yeah!
Ted: Okay, you..you want us to go over there, right now, and say to those girls, "Daddy's home." Really think about that, Barney.
Barney: Hmm...yea, I think it's pretty solid
 • Rating: Unrated

Trudy's friend: I'm just surprised you didn't dump him sooner.
Trudy: I know, it's two years of my life I'm never getting back. A little part of me just wants to jump the bones of the next guy I see.
Barney: Daddy's home.
Trudy: Or the one after that
 • Rating: Unrated

Lily: You know who might have something to say about Ted's future with Robin? Robin. Go wake her up.
Ted: Wake her up and say what?
Barney: Daddy's home
 • Rating: Unrated

Ted [on the phone]: Hey, it's me again. Look, who are we kidding? You and I are both attracted to each other. We're young, we're drunk, half of us anyway. And we only get one life, so why don't you come over to my apartment and we'll think of something stupid to do together?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Ted: Thanks Carl. We can't just be friends, we're attracted to each other and we both know it.
Carl: Excuse me?
Ted: Me and Robin. Me and Robin, I have to make one more call.
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Ted: Hey, how easy do you think it'll be to sneak into the zoo? I have to see some penguins, like right now.
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Ted: Barney, you've always taken care of me. You are a gentleman and a scholar. Go into my stable and take my finest stallion. He's yours, his name is Windjammer
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Lily [reading what's on Ted's arm]: Hi, I'm Ted, if lost, please call...Who's number is that?
Ted: I don't know.
Marshall: Dude, call it. Hold on, I'm gonna make some popcorn
 • Rating: 3.0 / 5.0

Barney: (to Ted) There's a girl in your bed.
Marshall: And a pineapple. Am I the only one who's curious about the pineapple?
 • Rating: 4.3 / 5.0

Ted: Why are you sleeping in our tub?
Barney: The porcelain keeps the suit from wrinkling.
Lily: Wait, were you here when I went to the bathroom in the middle of the night?
Barney: Don't worry, I slept through it. I totally didn't sleep through it. For a little girl, you've got a big tank.
 • Rating: 4.0 / 5.0

Ted [to Robin]: I don't say this enough, but you're a great woman, and a great reporter. You should be on 60 Minutes. You should be one of the minutes
 • Rating: Unrated

Barney: That's the whole point of getting drunk. You do things you would never do in a million years if you were sober.
Lily: Says every girl you've ever slept with
 • Rating: Unrated

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