How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother
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Marshall: I don't care if the dishes are done, if you care, you do it!
Lily: Well I don't care if you have an orgasms, if you care, you do it!

Aw look at you. Had a girlfriend for five minutes and thinking you're playing with the big boy is adorable... Son, I've been in a relathionship since you had a ponytail and you were playing Dave Matthews on your mama's Casio, I'm a good boyfriend in my sleep. I can rock a killer foot rub at one hand and, brew a kick-ass pot of camomile on the other that would make you weap. Hell, I've forgoten more about microwaving fat-free pop-corn and watching Sandra Bullock movies than you'll ever now but, thanks for your concern rook.

Marshall

Ultimately, we only see what we want to see when we're ready to see it.

Ted

We've all been searching for the five doppelgangers, right? Well eventually, over time, we all become our own doppelgangers. These completely different people who just happen to look like us. Five years ago? That girl was pretty great. But doppelganger Robin? She's amazing.

Ted

Estonia would close out the Baltics!

Barney

Kids!? No! Don't have kids! The rule is no kids until you're at least 45. Don't you EVER read my blog? It's gotten a lot better.

Barney

Barney: No! Time out! This is a group decision! You can't just move to Chicago unless we all say it's okay!
Ted: Barney, I think this has to be Robin's-
Barney: Stay out of this Brigitte Nielsen or Dolph Lundgren from Rocky IV!

Lily: I know what's bothering you. The cabbie just didn't look enough like Barney.
Marshall: Well that's just not true.

Marshall: But you were the fifth doppelganger! How can you be ... you? I called you, we had a whole conversation, Barney, what happened?
Barney: Ah, yes. I know what happened. People at work have this very strange expectation that I, well, work. I know, I know. So to make my colleagues think I'm busting my hump while I'm really out humping busty chicks, I decided to record a special recording.
Marshall: How can it be a recording, you called me Big Chief, my special workplace nickname?
Barney: Oh, buddy.

The never ending battle of my life. Career vs. romance.

Robin

Let's just say there were some senior citizens who attempted to "drown" on my watch ... and sadly one who did.

Ted

Marshall: Ted, I love you buddy, but there is no way you can pull off blonde.
Lily: Seriously, Ted, don't do it.
Ted: I'm going blonde!
Lily: Awwww.
Marshall: That is NOT the outcome we were hoping for.

Displaying quotes 1 - 12 of 267 in total

How I Met Your Mother Season 5 Quotes

Barney: Barney Stinson is back on the market. Mothers, lock up your daughters. Daughters, lock up your MILSWANCA's.
Marshall: MILSWANCA's?
Ted: Oh wait, I can get this. Mothers I'd Like to Sleep With and Never Call Again
Barney: Correct, circle gets a square

I used think family was a right, but it's a privilege, it needs to be earned.

Marshall