Nora: I'm sorry I've been trying not to stare at your chest all night.
Barney: Hahaha, what's that like?

Cardiologist: What happened at 8:46 PM last night.?
Barney: Well let's see, Wheel of Fortune, naked push ups, naked chin ups... oh I was at dinner.

Never screw over a girl whose last name ends in a vowel, because she's got brothers.


Lily: Ooo Barney's got feelings for a girl.
Barney: Yeah, penis feelings!

And I thought Pompeii was smoking.


Who is this flower child and what has he done with my lion hearted friend Ted Mosby?

The Captain

Maritime Protocol demands physical retribution!

The Captain

Sex now, we'll do the foreplay after.


With great penis comes great responsibility.


I'm Barney Stinson, I don't get smitten, I smite!


We're exes, we're probably due for a back slide, or we could just do it the normal way.


Lily: You should work at a carnival.
Barney: I tried; they're pretty strict with backgrounds.

How I Met Your Mother Season 6 Quotes

Ah you're exquisite; you must let me paint you.

Barney [to Robin]

Ted: They're actually called British Morning Socks.
Zoë: Don't get in your own way!