Marshall: Excuse me miss, when you get the chance can you bring me 100 shots of tequila please?
Barney: I'll have the same

Ted: Wayne had no manners. Wayne, manners, Wayne Manor. Home of Bruce Wayne, better known as Batman. Mentor to dick Grayson his orphan ward who, at night, would don the colorful vestments of The Boy Wonder, A.K.A. Robin!
Robin: Holy long walk for a short drink of water Ted!

Please help me off the couch so I can storm out!

Lily

It's 2012! What do you expect, to meet some cute travel agent while you're reading a newspaper at a book store?

Barney

Barney: How's the single life?
Ted: I wouldn't know. After this whole Robin thing, I'm laying low.
Barney: Laying low as in sleeping with a really short chick? You guys doing thirty nine?

Robin Sparkles was a cabin-hold name!

Robin

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!

Barney

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Monogamy, oh my!

Lily

People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

Ted

Lily: I'm pregnant with baby number five.
Ted: But baby number four isn't out yet!
Marshall: I'm just that good!

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.

Barney