Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How-i-met-your-mother

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!

Barney

Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Monogamy, oh my!

Lily

People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.

Ted

Lily: I'm pregnant with baby number five.
Ted: But baby number four isn't out yet!
Marshall: I'm just that good!

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.

Barney

I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!

Barney

Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

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