Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS

Get out your MetroCard Ted because tonight's the night we partied with the mole people!


Barney: The truth is I've spent the last five years trying to inception your wife.
Marshall: That movie only came out two years ago.
Barney: What movie?

Monogamy, oh my!


People make fun of the guy who stays home every night doing nothing, but the truth is that guy is a genius.


Lily: I'm pregnant with baby number five.
Ted: But baby number four isn't out yet!
Marshall: I'm just that good!

Back boobs... the visual stimulation of missionary meets the emotional detachment of doggy style, patent pending.


I'm KFC, you don't mess with the Colonel's original recipe!


Ted: Every three years we sit down and Tril it up, agreed?
Marshall: A-greedo.

Barney: It's my apartment and I need to assert my dominance as a man.
Robin: Don't ever, say that to any girl, ever!

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