How I Met Your Mother

Mondays 8:00 PM on CBS
How i met your mother

Ted: Maybe it's destiny?
Barney: Nah, Destiny strips at the Melon Patch. They're people Ted, try to keep 'em straight.

Barney: What am I going to do about this Quinn thing? I want to ask her out again but I don't know how I feel about her being a stripper.
Ted: Why would you have an issue with that? You've dated convicted felons, arms dealers... pageant moms?

Lily: You'll be playing with two charter members of the East Meadow Alley Cats.
Marshall: We're a hot dog eating team with a bowling problem.

When did I become such a gooey romantic?

Barney

Lily: For Ted's sake I hate to say this but, pay up.
Marshall: Not yet.

Ted: Barney that was my VCR.
Barney: Ted, it was a VCR!

Ted: Barney, you've really grown up, you know that?
Barney: Thanks, now lets watch our two best friends have sex on tape!

To the outdated viewing device!

Barney

Marshall: I gotta say that making money off this bet just makes me feel...
Lily: More alive than you've felt in years?
Marshall: Yes!
Lily: New hobby!
Marshall: We need a checks box, some glitter and some glue!

Not like this Lily, not like this.

Marshall

Do you think that if we did it...and I did a really good job...that I could turn that into my baby?

Barney

Oh God I am so hungover! Oh God, Lily's not wearing a bra!

Barney
Displaying quotes 37 - 48 of 156 in total
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