Modern Family

Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC
Modern family
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Mitchell: I had to settle.
Cameron: Well, your mom might think so, but some think I'm a catch.

Does he have a mallet? Then how does he get hit in the head?

Gloria

Did he trump me? You tell me. He made a painting out of a photograph one time. I have hand picked a card, drawn a heart in the steam on the medicine cabinet, and taken Claire to Fritelli's, a family style Italian restaurant, for 17 years in a row...yeah, he got me. He got me.

Phil

All women should look as tasty as you when they're old.

Dylan

Phil: My wife is always so tired and she's always making lists of things for me to do.
Claire: Maybe if you did them she wouldn't be so tired.
Phil: Oh no, she could make lists for days.

Phil: I'm in town for a trade show. I design high-end electro-acoustic transducers.
Claire: Wow, that is very specific.

Jay, you look so strong and sexy. Like an Olympic wrestler, but with money

Gloria

It's Valentine's Day. It's not the day you run away from love. It's the day you chase it down.

Cameron

He has a natural confidence. I admire it and fear it.

Manny

Perhaps I'll be Reginald Appleby. An English gentleman in town for a polo match.

Phil

You know how in a fairy tale there's always a potion that makes the princess fall asleep and then the guys start kissing her? Well, this is like that except you don't wake up in a castle — you wake up in a frat house with a bad reputation.

Phil

Oh sure, when you're gay you just walk around giving butt bumps to everybody. It's like a high-five — it's a low two.

Cameron
Displaying quotes 133 - 144 of 300 in total

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Dede: I don't know what just happened.
Dylan: I do. I mean it seems pretty simple to me. You're reaching out, trying to hold onto something awesome.
Haley: Um maybe, maybe you shouldn't.
Dylan: Look, look, look, I'm not used to this, the whole "big family" thing. In my house, we don't even talk to each other. You know it's funny, the first time I saw Haley, I knew I liked her. I mean she's beautiful and everything, but it's it's not just that. She's got this killer confidence. You know, the kind of confidence that you get from having a family like this, that's passionate and accepting of hot foreigners, and gay dudes, and nutty people. You know, a family that actually loves each other

Phil: If things have gone differently in my life I could have been a pilot.... What would happen if you turn the remote off and on right again?
Jay: Yeah, you would have made a great pilot