We can't ignore the giant panda in the room

Cam

The recipe is from the now-defunct Gourmet magazine. Why do all the things I love go away?

Cam

Go to dinner with him and wait for the check to come, then you'll see fear in his eyes. It's like the waiter's a ghost.

Jay

My boy was in trouble. So I put my fears aside and came to his rescue? Does that make me a hero? Yes it does.

Phil

Manny: Today feels like a good day for halibut. Hey, Jay, did I ever tell you about the time I used peanut butter and jelly for bait?
Jay: I don't know. You tell me a lot of funny things.

He comes from a long line of fishers and smugglers. But I encourage the fishing.

Gloria

Luke: When you stuck your head in, your screamed a little.
Phil: I told you. That was the house settling.

Her first word was every gay father's worst nightmare.

Mitchell

Luke: Aren't we going in?
Phil: We sure are. But won't it be fun if we did it with ski goggles and barbecue tools?

His name is Ponce? He'd get made fun of at my school. They'd probably call him "Pants."

Luke

Mitchell: Subtext: this is weird.
Cameron: I didn't hear any subtext.
Mitchell: Hear any now?

Alex: Haley, found your jacket.
Haley: WHY IS EVERYONE ON ME?

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

90 percent of being a dad is just showing up

Jay

I was 11 years old. I hit ten straight fastballs in the batting cage, then my friend Jeff Sweeney took one in the groin. I yelled "ball two!" Everybody laughed. That's when I knew I was funny.

Phil