Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 10)

Season 1 Episode 11: "Up All Night"

Phil: Gather round like you're hugging me, but don't touch me!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Mitchell: She can't grow up with one huggy, happy cuddly dad and one frowny, lesson-teachy dad because... guess which one she's gonna ask to walk her down the aisle
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: I'm like a mother bear. When I hear my cub crying, I have to run to her.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: This stuff's really hitting me. My insides feel like velvet.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: If I never wake up, I'd hate for the last thing you ever said to me to be a lie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Luke: When you walked through a spider web... when we were playing with a Ouija board and the wind blew a door shut...
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: I could be sitting grill-side watching a guy build an onion volcano. Instead, I got Rico Suave in my kitchen.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 10: "Undeck the Halls"

Mitchell: Still keeping traditions alive, huh?
Jay: Someone has to. I got two Colombians as home trying to turn Christmas into Cinco de Mayo.
Mitchell: You know that's Mexican right?
Jay: Ahh. Burrito, burr-righto.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: Every culture has their own traditions. For example, in our culture, the Baby Jesus is the one that brings the presents, not the Santa Claus.
Jay: That's doesn't make sense. How could a new born baby carry all those presents? They don't even know where their hands are.
Manny: At least a baby could fit through a chimney.
Jay: How could you sit on the Baby Jesus' lap? You'd squish him.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: If this so-called Santa Claus doesn't bring me a burgundy dinner jacket, I'm going to have a big problem.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: If I was home right now, I'd be mixing up a bathtub full of eggnog and trying to squeeze a greased hog into a Santa hat. You don't think I don't miss that?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: We raised our kids right. One of them will come forward, or the other two will rat them out.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: We're gonna pass into legend. The parents who canceled Christmas.
Phil: I thought you'd be happy.
Claire: They'll write songs about us. They'll make a Christmas special with those ugly little clay pieces.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: I can forgive the smoking, but I can't forgive the lie.
[Claire glares at him]
Phil: Or the smoking.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: I guess the couch did it to itself. I guess it came home after a tough day, lit up a cigarette and burned itself. Is that what happened? Because that makes no sense.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: It's Christmas eve, you can't spend it in your car.
Santa Scott: That's really nice of you guys. Can I bring anything? Ketchup, soy sauce, straws?
Cameron: We're good.
Mitchell: So why don't you follow us to our house?
Cameron: In your house.
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Cameron: Do you really live in your car?
Santa Scott: It's not so bad. It's really roomy since the wife moved out.
 • Rating: Unrated

Phil: Goodbye Dunphy Christmas. Haley, I guess you're not getting that car.
Haley: I was getting a car?
Phil: No, I was lying. Because that's what Dunphys do now, we're liars.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

[Jay and Manny watching Miracle on 34th Street]
Manny: Are you crying?
Jay: What are you, a robot? It's a deeply emotional movie.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: In Colombia, they open presents at midnight and stay up til morning.
Jay: I'm sure they do, but if you notice from the absence of goats in the streets, we're not in Colombia.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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