Modern Family

Modern Family Season 1 Quotes (Page 15)

Season 1 Episode 2: "The Bicycle Thief"

Manny: One time my dad was struck by lightning. That's why he can drink as much as he wants
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: 90 percent of being a dad is just showing up
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Phil [about Desiree]: Am I attracted to her? Yes. Would I ever act on it? No, no way. Not while my wife is still alive
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron [to Mitchell about not letting him act himself in class]: You had to clip my wings which you used to be the wind beneath
 • Rating: 4.5 / 5.0

Mitchell: my name is Mitchell and I'm a lawyer
Cameron [trying to sound straight]: My name is Cameron and I am currently not working, which gives me more time to grill and shoot baskets
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Jay [about Manny's father]: The only way his dad is like superman is that he landed in this country illegally
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny [about his father]: He's not afraid of anything, he doesn't wear a seat belt when he drives. He killed a bear once
Jay: Oh yeah? Was the bear in the passenger seat?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria [about Manny]: It's good, he keeps us grounded
Jay: Like a fog at a airport
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: I'll put on a polo and a pair of khakis and maybe people will think we're just a couple of golf buddies who decided to have a kid together
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Season 1 Episode 1: "Pilot"

Mitchell: Ahhh we have been together for, guh, five-- five years now? And uh we-- we just decided that we really wanted to have a baby. So we initially asked one of our lesbian friends to be a surrogate but--
Cameron: Then we figured, they're already mean enough, can you imagine one of them pregnant?
Mitchell: Don't think so.
Cameron: No thank you, ick!
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Jay: I'll give you fifty dollars if you don't go through with this.
Manny: I'm eleven.. What am I going to do with money?
Jay: What are you going to do with a sixteen year old?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: Kids, get down here!
Haley: Why are you guys yelling at us? We were way upstairs, just text me.
Claire: Alright, that's not going to happen and...wow, you're not wearing that outfit.
Haley: What's wrong with it?
Claire [to Phil]: Honey, do you have anything to say to your daughter about her skirt?
Phil: Sorry. Oh yeah, it looks really cute sweetheart.
Haley: Thanks.
Claire [to Haley]: No, it's way too short. People know you're a girl; you don't need to prove it to them
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Manny: She has a boyfriend.
Gloria: Ohh I'm sorry mi niño
Manny: I gave her my heart and she gave me a picture of me as an all time Sheriff. That was pretty stupid of me, wasn't it?
Gloria: No mi amor, It was brave right Jay, brave.
Jay: Well well, you'll know better next time, come on let's get a pretzel
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Gloria: We're very different, he's from the city, he has big big business and I come from a small village, very poor but very very beautiful. It is the number one village in all Colombia for all the, what's the word?
Jay: Murders.
Gloria: Yes, the murders
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Phil: I'm cool dad, that's my thang. I'm hip, I surf the web, I text. LOL: laugh out loud, OMG: oh my god, WTF: why the face
 • Rating: 4.9 / 5.0

Jay [to Manny]: If you put on a puffy, white shirt and declare your love for a 16-year-old, you're gonna be swinging from a flagpole in your puffy, white underpants
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Claire: I was out of control growing up, there you know, I said it. I just don't want my kids to make the same bad mistakes I made. If Hailey never wakes up on a beach in Florida half naked, I've done my job.
Phil: Our job.
Claire: Right, I've done our job
 • Rating: 4.7 / 5.0

Claire [to Haley in front of a boy]: A minute you're just friends watching Falcon Crest and the next, you're lying underneath the air hockey table with your bra in your pocket
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Cameron: Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it.
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

Alex: If Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months and then tell everyone the baby's yours?
 • Rating: 5.0 / 5.0

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