Modern Family
Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABCModern Family Season 1 Quotes
You're all the porn I need.
Phil
He lost his monocle on the drive. Head was out the window.
Jay [on Barkley]
You're just mad at the old balls and chain.
Jay
I could be a chump, do the usual, give the money back to the casino. Or I could do something for myself and get something from the casino store.
Jay
We're both with people different from us, and that's gonna create stuff. But you want different.
Jay
Some are real, right? Like Anne Frank's?
Luke [on diaries, not boobs]
He's like Batman, but straight.
Mitchell [on the gardener]
I'm like a big runaway charity truck and Mitchell is my off-ramp full of safety gravel.
Cameron
This is not art. This is an unholy mix between man and beast.
Gloria
That was hardly porn. It was a topless woman on a tractor. You know what they call that in Europe? A cereal commercial.
Phil
I'm feeling better now...OH GOD IT'S CANCER!!!
Phil
Don't talk black to me!
Phil
