Luke: I dunno, mom always tells me what to do.
Phil: Join the club.

Cameron [about him and Gloria]: On paper we should be good friends, one spicy curvy diva.
Mitchell: And Gloria.

Mitchell: I never went to sports games with him.
Cameron: Probably because you call them sports games. Lose the sports.

Mitchell: Tonight is the maginificent Lyrid meteor shower.
Cameron: It's where the planet geek passes through the nerdy way.

Alex: Luke has ADHD.
Luke: No I don't... what is it?
Alex: I'd tell you, but you'd wander off before I get to the (Luke wanders off) H.

Gloria: And you really didn't know he was gay?
Jay: I must have, right?

I don't think I can get through this without crying. Maybe we should just go on to the cold cuts.


I'm Columbian, I know a fake crime scene when I see one.


She's one of my 447 friends. Everyone wants a slice.


You're doing that thing when you say what I want you to say, but your tone seems mean.


He's the suckiest suck of all time.


Lots of stuff that doesn't kill you makes you weaker.


Modern Family Season 1 Quotes

Yes, I've gained a few extra pounds while we were expecting the baby... but that's science. You can't fight it.


If Haley got pregnant, would you ever pretend she got mono for a few months and then tell everyone the baby's yours?