Wednesdays 9:00 PM on ABC

Remember that time I told you I couldn't make your figure skating competition because I was stuck at work? By stuck I meant drunk and by work I meant the golf course!


It happens. Dolls grow up.


The only stage you're going to be jumping to will have a pole on it!

Alex [to Haley]

Cam: I'm playing a drinking game. It's called everytime I feel depressed about something, I take a drink.
Mitchell: That's already a game. It's called alcoholism.

Isn't it enough this family spends a lot of time together? Now we have to inbreed?


It's a freakshow, but it's their freakshow.


Stop acting like I'm some staunchy old coot! I've grown.


You're going to have Cam's baby just to avoid it being weird?

Phil [to Claire]

And what are we supposed to tell the baby? Say hi to your Aunt Mommy!

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