Gibbs: What? Something wrong?
Abby: Not. At. All. Tony read me in. I heard the fantastic news that you matched DNA from the cold case airport bombing to a recent bomb in Colombia. That is awesome.
Gibbs: So?
Abby: So I'm thrilled you got someone to run DNA for you. Someone with a lab full of DNA-running equipment. I mean it must be so cool to know somebody like that.
Gibbs: Abby, it's not like that.
Abby: You cheated on me, Gibbs.

Palmer: I told Tony that you wanted to speak to Agent Gibbs, not that Gibbs ever actually speaks. After "what do you got, doc?" all I get is angry glare.
Tony: Hey Palmer.
Gibbs: Angry glare.

Tony: All right McGee, you've been pouting the whole car ride. Let's hear it.
McGee: Two years, huh?
Tony: I don't want to hear it.
McGee: You've been working on this op for two years and you never said anything.
Tony: Well, it was, what do you call it? Oh yeah. Classified.
McGee: Oh come on. How many times have I hacked classified data and shared it with you?
Tony: Forty-seven times.
McGee: Yeah, it's---you know what, that's probably right. But you prove my point.
Tony: Which is?
McGee: I can't trust you anymore.

McGee: How do I know you're not working on another secret op?
Tony: How do I know you're not working on another secret op? Are you working on another secret op? McGee.
McGee: Hurts, doesn't it?

Hankos: Do you think he's working with Orlando?
Gibbs: We're going to find out.
Hankos: If he is, no deals, no plea bargain. You make him pay. People may have forgotten the Metropolitan attack. I haven't.

Edmunds: In the meantime, what do I tell the Colombian ambassador?
Gibbs: You're a diplomat....
Vance: ....say something diplomatic.

Bishop: Um...is this the parenting class?
Soto: Oh, I'm sorry. There was a mixup on the website. Tonight is my couples' intimacy class.
Vance: Well this should be interesting.

Bishop: So who's briefing Gibbs?
Tony: Not me. I need a moment.
Bishop: For what?
Tony: I may have intimacy issues.
Bishop: Well tonight I was thankful for that.

Orlando: I came here because I have a family. I know how you cowboys work. Shoot first, ask questions later. My children are more important to me than my entire empire. I'm not willing to risk them getting cruise missle'd coming home from school one day. I want them to learn how to read, not how to scan the skies looking for drones. So, you win.
Gibbs: Just like that.
Orlando: I was retiring anyway. I was announcing it at that meeting you tried to crash.

Bishop: By all means, stretch your legs, Tim. Keep the monotony out of monogamy.
Tony: By cheating?
Bishop: No. Just words.
McGee: Elaborate.
Bishop: Harmless practice for later use on your actual flirt. Practice makes perfect. Look, what I'm saying is....
Gibbs: Keep the tool sharp.
Bishop: See, Gibbs knows what I'm talking about.
Gibbs: Ah, I got no idea.

The world wide web. It astonishes me how people post their privates....private information for all to see. Such individuals would never leave a note on the front door "the house is empty"...so why treat their computers differently?

Ducky

Delilah: I just have one more question for you.
McGee: Yeah.
Delilah: Why does she need that extra key?

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: Rule number 70 - keep digging till you hit bottom.
Abby: McGee! There is no rule 70.
McGee: Well, I--
Abby: You just made up a rule. This McGibbs thing has really gone to your head. I don't even recognize you right now.