McGee: Boss can you give that to someone else? I can't take it anymore. I said from the beginning that this wasn't going to work. It's a waste of time. These guys are criminals, they're not worth it.
Gibbs: McGee. Rule 51
McGee: 51? What...?
Gibbs: I wrote it down once.

Tony: Notice anything different McGee? We installed the new computer monitors.
McGee: You touched my desk?
Tony: It was their idea.
Kevin: We wanted to thank you.
Khan: No we--don't say that out loud.
McGee: No no no, this monitor should be more to the left.
Tony: Okay let's go to the van. Nobody needs to see this part of Tim McGee. C'mon IT Kevin.
McGee: Come on. Didn't even bundle all the cables.

Every moment with you from growing up to these last few days. It meant something to me. It takes a man to make a man. You've helped make me one. Before I say goodbye dad, I just want to say thank you for everything. Merry Christmas dad. I love you.

McGee

Jake: Agent DiNozzo, I presume?
Tony: The elusive Jake. It's nice to know Bishop hasn't been catfishing us all year. I was starting to wonder.
Bishop: Well you can stop wondering, Tony. As you can see, Jake is quite real.
Tony: Unless he's a hologram who can shake hands.
Jake: NSA is actually working on one of those, I've seen the prototype.
Tony: Yeah that'd be pretty fun. Really?
Jake: No.
Tony: Had me, for a second. That's too bad, because I'd like one of those. I like him, he's quick.

Bishop: Excuse me. Hey, I said excuse me.
Jake: Is there a problem, sir?
Murderer: I don't know, is there?
Jake: I heard my wife say "excuse me", just now. Doesn't that get an "excuse me" in return?
Bishop: It's all right. Some people just have better manners than others.
Dobbs: It's okay, miss. Your husband's right. My bad.

Tony: I hate couples.
Bishop: You asked how we met.
Jake: Granted, you kind of had to be there.
Tony: Oh no, not you guys. You're great. Just couples in general.

Palmer: Well there's Dirk, if it's a boy obviously. Or Oskar, with a "K".
Abby: Oskar Palmer. It's a lot of "Rs".
Palmer: If it's a girl, we're thinking Frieda, Greta, Liesl. Something von Trappish.

Bishop: His gun's gone, Tony.
Tony: Great. We're snowed in here with an airport filled with cranky passengers, a dead fake Air Marshall and his killer on the loose somewhere on the loose with a knife and a gun. Anybody else feel like they're playing Clue?

Tony: Maybe that's why we never see Jake. Maybe she ate him.
Bishop: Or maybe he's just busy.
Tony: Or maybe you had him with fava beans, and a nice Chianti

Dillon: So?
Gibbs: So, they won't understand, they don't know you are, they don't know what you've done. We want to help.
Dillon: Well I'm glad to hear that but it's too late sir. I called 911. I tried to help those kids and one's dad.
Gibbs: Yeah but two are alive because of you.
Dillon: There should be three. I hesitated.
Gibbs: Can't blame yourself.
Dillon: He was alive when I got there, he was dead when I left. I know I could have done more.

I have the training, you know that. Ever since I got out I can't get a single job in the field. I've been saving to go to medical school. But even if I'm cleared you think anyone will accept me with this on my record? I learn the same as the Army and the Air Force medics and for some reason they come out EMT Basic and they could have legally saved those kids. Why can't I?

Dillon

Carrie: Why do you insist on meeting me here? And don't tell me it's the food.
Gibbs: Good people. Honest people. Hungry people. Club sandwich isn't half bad.
Carrie: I'm sorry about your dad.
Gibbs: He would have loved to have met you.
Carrie: Rumor has it he was as challenging as his son.
Gibbs: Yeah well, there's an understatement.
Carrie: I like a good challenge.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

McGee: You know something I don't? Working tonight and tomorrow night?
Tony: No, Tim. It's just that Zoe's parents are in town and they want to have dinner. I'm not ready for that.
Abby: So you deceived her.
Tony: I was put on the spot. I was not prepared.
McGee: Whoa. Hey. What are you afraid of?
Tony: I don't know.
Abby: They're probably really nice.
Tony: I'm sure they are. I've just never had dinner with the parents of a woman I'm seriously involved with.
McGee: That's not true. What about Jon Benois?
Tony: No, technically that wasn't me because I was undercover as Tony DiNardo, professor of film studies. I wasn't myself back then. Meeting the parents for dinner could trigger a whole chain of events.
Abby: It's just dinner, Tony.
Tony: You have dinner yet with Ranger Burt's parents? I didn't think so. Then put down the gavel, take off the robe and stop judging, both of you.
Abby: Okay.