Tony: Okay but I guess I won't be able to tell you the middle name McGee's been holding out on us.
Abby: Farragut.
Tony: Does everybody know?

SecNav: They said no cops. Have you looked in the mirror? You look like an MP, you look like a fed and you look like Sonny Crockett.
Tony: Don Johnson or Colin Farrell?

Tony: So what happened? Gibbs give you the brush-off?
Valeri: I get the sense he thinks I'm the enemy.
Tony: Well you're not. Unless you're one of his ex-wives. Or a lawyer.

Tim's good at his job.

Tony

Fornell: What?
Tony: It's a nice look, the neon, chin strap. Did you guys stop by a rave on the way back?

Valeri: Okay, Tim, just please tell him the story already.
Bishop: You haven't heard this story?
Tony: Bishop knows?
McGee: Alright, look. I'll tell you but you can't make fun of me.
Tony: I promise. My word is my bond.
McGee: Well, Val and I were each other's first kiss.
Tony: What does that have to do with the tooth?
McGee: It was allergy season and, well, I leaned in for a kiss. Got a little itch. Turned into a sneeze and I head-butted her.
Valeri: I spent the next few hours at the dentist.
Bishop: Talk about memorable.
Tony: Timothy Farragut McGee. You smooth operator.
McGee: Tony.
Tony: Thank you for honoring me with the tooth, the whole tooth and nothing but the tooth.

SecNav: Maybe it's time I re-evaluate my priorities.
Gibbs: You going to quit?
SecNav: If it's best for my family. You don't agree? Think I'm being ruled by fear, what?
Gibbs: I don' think it matters what I think.
SecNav: Humor me.
Gibbs: Family's important.
SecNav: That's it? No rousing pep talk? No "we need you on that wall, Madame Secretary"?
Gibbs: Disappointed?
SecNav: A little bit. Yeah.

McGee: Sometimes I think you prefer being alone.
Tony: We all have to live with our decisions, Tim.

[reading Valentine's Day card] Roses are red; they go in a bucket; Jake is a jerk; he can go suck it.

Bishop

Tony: Gibbs, I don't think Abby's heart cakes are edible.
Gibbs: They're tofu, DiNozzo. You keep chewing.

Tony: Remember Max Headroom, Gibbs?
Gibbs: Who?
Tony: From the 80s. Robot-head.

Grossman: Conveniently, I was born without empathy. With regard to Senior Chief De La Rosa's unfortunate passing, I reviewed the video and there was no proof he died of anything other the complications due to his own line of work. Secondly, even if there were foul play, there is no link between his death and our mission.
Gibbs: What is your mission?
Grossman: Our mission is classified.

NCIS Quotes

McGee: All right. Well you should probably know that Abby and I used to date?
Bishop: Ew. Like, each other?
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: Wait - isn't that a violation of rule 12, never date a....
McGee: It was a long time ago. After we'd broken up, one night I went to her lab. Found a scribbled piece paper; a list. Potential boyfriends had to fulfill certain conditions by a pre-arranged date or else, goodbye.
Bishop: Such as.
McGee: Things started off relatively normal: opening the door for her, flowers, putting the seat down. Then around number 8, it gets uh...
Bishop: What?
McGee: Does she know you have these?
Bishop: Does she know you have these?
McGee: Yeah she wasn't happy when she found out.
Bishop: These are all very specific.
McGee: Yeah.
Bishop: These ideas apply to you?
McGee: No those rules weren't in place when we were together. At least I don't think so.
Bishop: What's with the two month cutoff? Abby's sabotaging herself. I've seen stuff like this before. We have to talk to her.

Abby: McGee, I want to celebrate that you can light up a room as fast as you can ping a phone.
McGee: Well thanks!
Abby: Hashtag: living rocks.
Gibbs: Hashtag get to the point.
Abby: Oh my God, Gibbs. You just used the word hashtag in a sentence